Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Monday July 22, 2019

Fiance terms defined.

1. Accept this special invitation – pay money.

2. Bear – What your trade account and wallet will be when you

take a flyer on that hot stock tip your secretary gave you.

3. Bond – What you had with your spouse until you pawned

his/her golf clubs to invest in Amazon.com.

4. Brokee – Someone who buys stocks on the advice of a broker.

5. Broker – The person you trust to help you make major financial

decisions. Please note the first five letters of this word spell broke.

6. Build relationships – get money from.

7. Bull – What your broker uses to explain why your mutual

funds tanked during the last quarter.

8. Commission – The only reliable way to make money on the stock

market, which is why your broker charges you one.

9. Convenience fee – interest charge.

10. Invest – gamble.

11. Margin – Where you scribble the latest quotes when you’re supposed

to be listening to your manager’s presentation.

12. Multilevel business partners – Suckers.

13. Stock – A magical piece of paper that is worth $33.75 until the

moment you buy it. It will then be worth $8.50.

14. Stock-market correction – crash. And in the grand tradition

of saving the best for last….

15. Yak – What you do into a pail when you discover your stocks

have plunged and your broker is making a margin call.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people & whatever you do,

don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

“In a mad world only the mad are sane.” – Akira Kurosawa

“Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like

and let the food fight it out inside.” – Mark Twain

“Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn’t

work out, you haven’t wasted a whole day.”- Mickey Rooney

“You know you’re on a die when cat food

commercials make you hungry.” –Andy Bumatai

“What’s right is what’s left if you do everything wrong.” –Robin Williams

“I was stopped once for going fifty-three in a thirty-five

mile zone, but I told them I had dyslexia.” –Spanky

“The great thing about democracy is that it gives every voter a

chance to do something stupid.” – Art Spander😁

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

Panicking when her toddler swallowed a tiny magnet; my sister, Betty, rushed him

to the emergency room. “He’ll be fine,” the doctor promised her. “The magnet should pass through his system in a day or two.” “How will I be sure?” she pressed. “Well,” the doctor suggested, “you could stick him on the refrigerator.

When he falls off, you’ll know.” 😱😁😎

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Coffee and cigarettes, that’s like the breakfast of champions.”

Answer: Blue in the Face!
“Blue in the Face” starred Harvey Keitel, Michael J. Fox and Lily Tomlin. Actor Jim Jarmusch, who plays a character named Bob (no last name), makes this funny, albeit incorrect statement while smoking a cigarette and drinking his morning coffee. He had been discussing why he loves cigarettes and is sitting around with a group of friend who are all sitting around doing the same thing. This part of the dialogue ends and jumps quickly to Paris in the springtime. Much of the dialogue in this feature was ad-libbed.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “I don’t drink…coffee.”

Friday’s Quizzler is….

Justin Case and Auntie Bellum are fellow con artists who deliver coded messages to each other to communicate. Recently Auntie Bellum was put in jail for stealing a rare and expensive diamond. Only a few days after this, Justin Case sent her a friendly letter asking her how she was. On the inside of the envelope of the letter, he hid a code. Yesterday, Auntie Bellum escaped and left the envelope and the letter inside the jail cell. The police did some research and found the code on the inside of the envelope, but they haven’t been able to crack it. Could you help the police find out what the message is?

This is the code:
llwatchawtfeclocklnisksundialcirbetimersool

Answer: The message was “loose bricks in left wall.” The message was put backward with words related to time in between.

This is how the message looks when separated:

ll watch awtfe clock lnisk sundial cirbe timer sool

If you take out watch, clock, sundial, and timer, this is what is left:

llawtfelniskcirbesool

Look at this backwards and this is what you have:

loose bricks in left wall

Auntie Bellum took out the bricks and escaped in the night. Then, she put the bricks back where they were.

Monday’s Quizzler is…….

A Tom Swifty is a play on words. Tom speaks, and the way he is said to speak is a pun – both meanings are relevant.
e.g. “I love hot dogs”, Tom said frankly. “Frank” connects how he spoke and the hot dog! [Frankfurter!]

The Tom Swifty can also use a phrase or homophone.
e.g. “You didn’t order enough carpet”, said Tom with a cold stare.
“Cold stare” expresses his annoyance and suggests uncarpeted stairs!

Choose one of the listed words or phrases to fill each gap.

** CLUES **
1. “No, don’t come in. I’m changing!” said Tom _____.

2. “This is a grave situation”, said Tom, _____.

3. “Hooray! The radio reception is clear again”, said Tom _____.

4. “So? Buy a proper pencil sharpener!” said Tom _____.

5. “I’m going to be head of the CIA in a few years”, said Tom _____.

** WORD LIST **
bluntly, fondly, graciously, aspiringly, hopefully, ecstatically, in fun, briefly, cryptically, cautiously

** YOUR TURN! **
Think of a better Tom Swifty for one of Tom’s statements in the teaser, and maybe write it as a comment.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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