Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Thursday July 25, 2019

Today’s Punagraphy..

Did you know that the Energizer Bunny was arrested and charged with battery.

A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

A pessimist’s blood type is always b-negative.

My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it’s just kiln time.

Dijon vu: the same mustard as before.

Practice safe eating: always use condiments.

I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the ax.

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

Banning the bra was a big flop.

Sea captains don’t like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

When you dream in color, it’s a pigment of your imagination.

Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.

When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people & whatever you do,

don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

“I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn’t park

anywhere near the place.” – Steven Wright

“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize

half of them are stupider than that.”- George Carlin

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening.

But this wasn’t it.” – Groucho Marx

“This time, like all times, is a very good one if we

but know what to do with it.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson

“We hang the petty thieves and appoint the

great ones to public office.” –Aesop

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

During rehearsal, the high school Music Director was beside himself. The cymbal player in the band was constantly coming in at the wrong time with his cymbal clash. The young man maintained that his entry point gave a much better effect and that he wouldn’t play it as written. When the Music Director was asked by the Principal why he kicked the

young musician out of the band, he replied, “It was a simple case of cymbal disobedience.”😱😁😎

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “What is this demilitarized zone? Whatever it is, I like it! Gets you on your toes better than a strong cup of cappuccino.”

Answer: Good Morning Vietnam!
“Good Morning, Vietnam” was based on the real story of disc jockey Adrian Cronauer who worked in Saigon during the Vietnam War. This coffee quote is an accurate reflection of this man and his often impudent attitude to authority. This coffee comment was just part of one of his many radio tirades protesting an unwinnable war. He was speaking to his on-air audience. Many consider Robin Williams portrayal of Cronauer to be one of his finest works.

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Thank-you for your coffee, seignior. I shall miss that when we leave Casablanca.”

Wednesday’s Quizzler is….

What phrase does this represent?

Completely and Utterly Lost...

Answer:

Around the World in 80 Days
(a round “THEWORLD” in 80 “day”s)

Thursday’s Quizzler is…….

David showed a piece of paper to Kenneth, while covering the top part of it with his hand. The visible portion below his hand read as follows:
THIRD
FOURTH
FIFTH
SIXTH
SEVENTH
EIGHTH
NINTH
TENTH

David said, “My hand is covering two words, the first two words in this list of ten words. The list follows a completely and indisputably logical sequence. None of the words are repeated. I’ll bet you $50 that you cannot tell me what those two words are on your first try. You can say the two words in either order.”

Kenneth could not see any reason not to accept this wager, and said “First and second” for the easy $50 win. However, after David moved his hand away, Kenneth realized he had lost, and indeed, there was not even an argument to be made. What were the two hidden words?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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