Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Monday August 5, 2019

Real Courtroom Testimonies………Really….

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?

A: Yes.

Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?😐

Q: Can you describe the individual?

A: He was about medium height and had a beard.

Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?

A: By death.

Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

A: All my autopsies have been performed on dead people.😱

Q: Could you see him from where you were standing?

A: I could see his head.

Q: And where was his head?

A: Just above his shoulders. 😁

Q: What is your relationship with the plaintiff?

A: She is my daughter.

Q: Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?

Q: Were you acquainted with the deceased?

A: Yes, sir.

Q: Before or after he died?😳

Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?

A: I refuse to answer that question.

Q: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?

A: I refuse to answer that question.

Q: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?

A: No.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people & whatever you do,

don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

“You know those little robot vacuums called Roombas? The company that makes them says

that Roombas have the capability to map out your home while they clean it, and it’s planning

to sell that information to Amazon and Google. We all thought that the Roomba was just

vacuuming; turns out it was casing the joint.” -James Corden

“A Georgia man is facing charges after he tried to enter a Waffle House completely naked.

Ugh. Can you imagine? Walking into a Waffle House barefoot?” -Seth Meyers

“This was a little controversial: Pope Francis recently said that the majority of modern Catholic

marriages are worthless because couples don’t always mean it when they say they’ll love each

other forever. And that’s the last time Pope Francis was ever asked to give a best man speech.” -Jimmy Fallon

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

Artifacts are a major portion of an American-Indian reservation’s economy.

Annually, thousands of tourists visit reservations and most will not leave without purchasing atleast one memento of the traditional Indian culture. One enterprising Indian was able to outsell his competitors in the sale of wooden dolls by selling them at only a fraction of the cost others had to charge. On examination of his dolls they found that where traditionally hard wood was used, this Indian would use cheap pine on which he glued thin pieces of fine mahogany, thus being able to produce the dolls at only a fraction of the cost. While he claimed his dolls were still authentic, his com-
petitors complained that it was only a cheap Sioux Veneer. 😎

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “It came to me. My own. My love. My own. My precious.”

Answer: The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring! “The Fellowship of the Ring” is the first installment in Peter Jackson’s high fantasy film trilogy based on the novels by J.R.R. Tolkien. The story revolves around the formation of a fellowship of nine, who start out on an epic journey to return the One Ring to Mordor, where it must be destroyed.

The scene described in the question plays out in film’s opening. As is only later divulged in “The Return of the King”, Gollum, or Smeagol as he was then called, was at first sight enchanted by the Ring of Power. The Ring had only just been recovered from a riverbed by his relative, Deagol, after being lost for two and a half thousand years. Smeagol was so ensnared that he snuffed the life out of Deagol to claim ownership. Gollum would henceforth refer to the Ring as his Precious.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die”

Friday’s Quizzler is….

Two numbers are given in each sentence that need to be replaced by words. Each word is an anagram of the other, except that one word contains an additional letter that the other word lacks. When this additional letter is removed, each word can be made by using the letters of the other word in each sentence. Based on the clues given in each sentence, do your best to figure out what the two words are. The numbers given in each sentence indicate the number of letters in each word. Some of the words may be formed without rearranging the letters, and the only difference between the words in this case is the one letter that has been added to one of the words.

1) The attorney was very happy. Not only had he just become a (7) in the firm, but his wife had just told him that he would be a (6) in a few months.

2) The (7) rode swiftly to fight the fire breathing (6).

3) He read in the ancient (4) that a (5) would strike the earth in ten years.

4) I heard the foreman (6) “look out (5)!”

5) The gambler was able to (6) that his opponent was only holding a (5).

6) The Great (6) was not in 1812. You are in (5).

7) In that (6) lies a hero who lost his life to an archer’s (5).

8) A (4) began to form between them when he started to (5) with others.

9) It appeared that the (5) had eaten the young man. All that could be found was the (4) he had worn to the fraternity party.

10) Some people regarded yesterday’s event as being (7). There were rumors that the priest had been paid to (6) the historic site.

Answer: 1) Partner, Parent

2) Dragoon, Dragon

3) Tome, Comet

4) Bellow, Below

5) Deduce, Deuce

6) Terror, Error

7) Barrow, Arrow

8) Rift, Flirt

9) Gator, Toga

10) Shallow, Hallow

Monday’s Quizzler is…….

In each sentence below, two words are incomplete. The two words end in the same three letters,

so they look like they should rhyme, but they don’t. See if you can figure out the missing letters in each sentence.
Example: One symptom of bronchitis is a ro___ co___. (The two words are: rough & cough.)

1. When you g___ up, I will let you climb the ship’s p___.
2. Do you want to be a ri___ swimmer or an ocean di___?
3. The strongest oarsman in the boat is a po___ ro___.
4. The cheap tickets didn’t al___ them to go be___ deck.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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