Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Tuesday August 6, 2019

Clarification Of Corporate Lingo..

To help you in your job search here is the Employer’s Lingo defined:

“COMPETITIVE SALARY” We remain competitive by paying our employees less than our competitors do.

“JOIN OUR FAST-PACED TEAM” We have no time to train you.

“CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE” We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up; well, a couple of the guys wear earrings.

“MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED” You’ll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

“SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED” Some time each night and some time each weekend.

“DUTIES WILL VARY” Anyone in the office can boss you around.

“MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL” We have no quality control.

“CAREER-MINDED” Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

“APPLY IN PERSON” If you’re old, fat or ugly you’ll be told the position has been filled.

“NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE” We’ve filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

“SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE” You’ll need it to replace three people who just left.

“PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST” You’re walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

“REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS” You’ll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

“GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS” Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a Happy Tuesday people & whatever you do,

don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

“My husband gave me a necklace. It’s fake. I requested fake. Maybe I’m paranoid, but in

this day and age, I don’t want something around my neck that’s worth more than my

head.” – Rita Rudner

“For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of

life, please press three.” – Alice Kahn

“There’s a religious group that goes door-to-door selling cosmetics. They call themselves

the Jo-joba’s witnesses.” -Jeannie Dietz

“Electricity can be dangerous. I once watched my nephew try to stick a penny into a plug.

Whoever said a penny doesn’t go far didn’t see him shoot across that floor. I told him he

was grounded.” -Tim Allen 😱

“It was different when we were kids. In second grade, a teacher came in and gave us all a

lecture about not smoking, and then they sent us over to arts and crafts to make ash-

trays for Mother’s Day.” -Paul Clay 😳

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

Bad weather meant I was stuck overnight at O’Hare airport in Chicago. Along

with hotel accommodations, the airline issued each passenger a $10 meal ticket,

or “chit.” That evening after dinner I presented my meal ticket to the cashier.

“Is this chit worth $10?” I asked. Looking up nervously, the cashier responded,

“I’m sorry, sir. Was the meal that bad?”😎

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die”

Answer: The Princess Bride! Mandy Patinkin played Inigo Montoya, a man obsessed with avenging the death of his father at the hands of a man with six fingers on one hand. The villain turns out to be Count Rugen, who Montoya fights and kills while saying the above line over and over again. “The Princess Bride” tells the story of Buttercup and Westley, two star-crossed lovers who overcome great odds to wind up together. Although only a modest success at the time, it has grown in popularity and critical acclaim as time has passed.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was to convince the world he didn’t exist”

Monday’s Quizzler is….

In each sentence below, two words are incomplete. The two words end in the same three letters, so they look like they should rhyme, but they don’t. See if you can figure out the missing letters in each sentence.
Example: One symptom of bronchitis is a ro___ co___. (The two words are: rough & cough.)

1. When you g___ up, I will let you climb the ship’s p___.
2. Do you want to be a ri___ swimmer or an ocean di___?
3. The strongest oarsman in the boat is a po___ ro___.
4. The cheap tickets didn’t al___ them to go be___ deck.

Answer: 1. grow prow
2. river diver
3. power rower
4. allow below

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….

“Welcome back to the show. Before the break, Mr Ixolite here made it to our grand finale! How do you feel Mr.Ix?”
“Nervous.”
“Okay, now to win the star prize of one million pounds all you have to do is answer the following question in 90 seconds.”
“Okay, I’m ready.”
“Right. In 90 seconds name 100 words that do NOT contain the letter ‘A’. Start the clock!”

Can you help?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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