Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

12-Puns-Min-Lim
WELCOME to Wednesday August 7, 2019
Today’s Punagraphy… (Really Bad)….really…..

1. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!

2. The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar. It was tense!
3. How did the picture end up in jail? It was framed!
4. You really shouldn’t be intimidated by advanced math…it’s easy as pi!
5. My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve!
6. What did the hamburger name it’s baby? Patty!
7. Why was the baby ant confused? Because all his uncles were ants!
8. One lung said to another…we be-lung together!
9. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
10. I used to go fishing with Skrillex. But he kept dropping the bass!
11. What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter!
12. I asked a Frenchman if he played video games. He said Wii!
13. What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabee!
14. Sure, I drink brake fluid. But I can stop anytime!
15. My girlfriend thought I’d never be able to make a car out of spaghetti… You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta!
16. Coffee has a rough time in our house. It gets mugged every single morning!
17. What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick? Put it on my bill!
18. I just found out that I’m color blind. The news came completely out of the green!
19. What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi!
20. Whenever I undress in the bathroom… My shower gets turned on!
21. I was walking through a quarry…I said to the foreman, “That sure is a big rock!”
“Boulder,” he corrected me. So I stuck out my chest and shouted, “THAT SURE IS A BIG ROCK!!“
22. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!
23. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people & whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

 

DAILY QUOTES…

“A five-year-old girl who ran a lemonade stand in London was fined $195 for

not having the proper trading permit. See, this is why I make my kids open
their lemonade stands offshore on the Cayman Islands.” -James Corden

“According to Vanity Fair, the Queen of England has four alcoholic beverages
every day, including a glass of champagne before bed. Champagne before bed?
Who does she think she is, herself?” -Seth Meyers

“A new study finds that George Clooney has the most handsome face because

of his eyes, nose, chin, and mouth. In other words, he has the most handsome
face because of his face.” -Jimmy Fallon    


 
 
 

 

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

Favorite Police Emergency Calls:

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one
Caller: Hi, is this the police?
Dispatcher: This is 911. Do you need police assistance?
Caller: Well, I don’t know who to call. Can you tell me how to cook a turkey? I’ve never cooked one before.

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I’m trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn’t have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma’am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I’m not stupid.

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What’s the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one
Caller: Yeah, I’m having trouble breathing. I’m all out of breath. Darn…I think I’m going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I’m at a pay phone. North and Foster. Damn….
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What where you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the police.😱


 

 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was to convince the world he didn’t exist”

Answer:  The Usual Suspects!
In “The Usual Suspects” (1995) a boat has been destroyed and all the criminals on board are dead… except one, Roger “Verbal” Kint. The key to solving this mystery lies with him. And so begins the interrogation of Kint who proceeds to weave a convincing though twisted and convoluted story that you, the viewer, marvel at. Well have you have been deceived? Kint uses the above line when he introduces the Keyser Soze into his story, an almost mythical underworld figure that is akin to the boogeyman, a figure that parents may invoke upon their children should they misbehave. But who is this Keyser Soze? Is it Kint? Is it Kobayashi? As the interrogator Dave Kujan says; “Convince me, and tell every last detail.


Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Miss Jean Louise, stand up. Your father’s passing.”


 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is….

Welcome back to the show. Before the break, Mr Ixolite here made it to our grand finale! How do you feel Mr.Ix?”
“Nervous.”
“Okay, now to win the star prize of one million pounds all you have to do is answer the following question in 90 seconds.”
“Okay, I’m ready.”
“Right. In 90 seconds name 100 words that do NOT contain the letter ‘A’. Start the clock!”

Can you help?

Answer:  One, Two, Three, Four, Five……One Hundred!
I just counted from 1 to 100 in ninety seconds (it is possible).

Wednesday’s Quizzler is…….

What king can you make if you take
the head of a lamb
the middle of a pig
the hind of a buffalo
and the tail of a dragon?😁😎

 

 

 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:

http://www.slampi.org, http://www.hopeBUILD.org, http://www.GodLovesPraise.com, https://elisabethluxe.com, http://www.themuscleministry.com.

CHECK OUT MY BOOK online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. http://www.amazon.com

 

 

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