Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Monday August 12, 2019

Here’s the story….

Today we take a look at this morning’s Market Activity: Helium was up. Feathers were down. Paper was stationary. Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply. Cows steered into a bull market. Pencils lost a few points. Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline. Weights were up in heavy trading. Light switches were off. Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remain unchanged. Shipping lines stayed at an even keel. The market for raisins dried up. Coca Cola fizzled. Caterpillar stock inched up a bit. Sun peaked at midday. Balloon prices were inflated. And in the grand tradition of saving the best for last…Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.😁 That’s my story

and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people & whatever you do,

don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

“Human history becomes more and more a race between

education and catastrophe.” – H. G. Wells

“Ability will never catch up with the demand for it.” – Malcolm Forbes

“You talk to God, you’re religious. God talks to you, you’re psychotic.”

– Doris Egan (House M.D., House vs. God)

“Although a lot of people are on these low-carb diets, doctors say be careful,

because you need carbohydrates because carbohydrates create a chemical in

your brain that cheers you up and fights depression. So the next time you see

a guy on a ledge, about to jump… throw him a doughnut.” –Jay Leno

“A woman in California is being studied because she says she remembers everything

from the last 12 years. And I’m thinking, ‘Wait a minute — isn’t that every woman?'” -Dave Letterman

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

When NASA started sending astronauts into space, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside-down, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.😳😱 Your taxes are due again–enjoy paying them. 😎

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Open the pod bay doors, HAL.” “I’m sorry, Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

Answer: 2001: A Space Odyssey

“2001 A Space Odyssey” (1968) was one of the world’s most visually spectacular movies when it was released. The screenplay was written by Stanley Kubrick and Arthur C. Clarke, based Clarke’s short story “The Sentinel”. (1948). Clarke released a novel of the same name after the movie was released. The story is minimal: A monolith is discovered in pre-historic times and another on the moon in contemporary time. The monolith has a role in the evolutionary practices on Earth. A race is on to find the third monolith near Jupiter. However only the anthropomorphic computer HAL knows the real mission with the five astronauts mere pawns in the process. The crux comes when the computer will not let the last astronaut back into the spacecraft as the computer fears he (it) will be shut down by Bowman.

This was a visually spectacular movie (remember this was the sixties) known for its minimalist dialogue, its lack of stars and a classical music score. In 2010, it was named the greatest film of all time by one leading video movie journal.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Somebody poisoned the waterhole.”

Friday’s Quizzler is….

The parents of five children decided to share responsibility for entertaining the kids (one of whom is Bruce) during the week between the end of day camp and the start of the school. Each parent took a different day of the week, Monday through Friday, to take the children on a different outing (including taking them horseback riding). They also each rented a movie (including Mulan) for the children to watch. For each day, determine who took care of the kids, that parent’s child, the outing the parent supervised and the movie he or she rented.

1. The five parents were: the one who took the children bowling, the one who rented “Antz”, Katie’s parent, Mr. Bidwell and Mrs. Molinari.

2. The parent who rented “Finding Nemo” didn’t take the kids bowling and isn’t related to Katie.

3. Neither Mrs. Parker nor the parent who took the kids to miniature golf rented “Ice Age”.

4. The children went roller skating the day before they saw “Monster’s Inc.”, which was the day before Mr. Sandoval entertained them.

5. The parent who took the kids skating didn’t rent “Antz”.

6. Mr. Sandoval wasn’t the parent who rented “Finding Nemo” (which the children watched Thursday).

7. Mrs. Lee is Derek’s mother.

8. Linda’s parent, who isn’t Mrs. Molinari and who didn’t rent “Antz”, entertained the kids on Friday.

9. Ryan’s parent took care of the children the day after the parent who took the kids swimming.

Answer: Monday, Mrs. Parker, Katie, Skating, Mulan
Tuesday, Mrs. Lee, Derek, Bowling, Monster’s Inc.
Wednesday, Mr. Sandoval, Bruce, Swimming, Antz
Thursday, Mrs. Molinari, Ryan, Golf, Finding Nemo
Friday, Mr. Bidwell, Linda, horseback riding, Ice Age

Finding Nemo is on Thursday (6). Thus, Mr. Sandoval didn’t entertain the kids on Friday (4). Nor did he entertain on Monday or Tuesday (4) or Thursday (6), so he entertained on Wednesday. The kids went skating on Monday and saw Monster’s Inc on Tuesday (4). Linda’s parent entertained the kids on Friday (8). They didn’t see Antz on Monday (5) or Friday (8), so they saw it on Wednesday. Mrs. Lee is Derek’s mom (7) and must be mentioned in clue 1. Since Mr. Sandoval rented Antz, then Mrs. Lee had to take the kids bowling. Since we know either the kids name, parents name or outing for Monday, Wednesday and Friday, Mrs. Lee is either Tuesday or Thursday. Since Finding Nemo is Thursday (6), then Mrs. Lee is on Tuesday (2). Linda’s parent has to be mentioned in clue 1 and is either Mrs. Molinari or Mr. Bidwell. It is Mr. Bidwell (8). Thursday’s parent is also mentioned in clue 1. He or she is not Katie’s parent (2), therefore has to be Mrs. Molinari. By elimination, Mrs. Parker is on Monday. By elimination from clue 1, Katie is Mrs. Parker child. Ice age was rented on Friday (3) and by elimination Mulan was rented on Monday. The kids went swimming on Wednesday and Ryan was on Thursday (9). By elimination, Bruce was on Wednesday. The kids played golf on Thursday (3) and went horseback riding on Friday.

Monday’s Quizzler is…….

Take the given words, and by moving a single letter from one word to the other, make a pair of synonyms, or near synonyms. For example, given: Boast – Hip, move the ‘s’ from ‘Boast’ to ‘Hip’ creating two synonyms: Boat – Ship.

1. East – Up
2. West – Oak
3. Blog – Ranch
4. Over – Plaint
5. Outage – Ranger

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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