WELCOME to Tuesday August 13, 2019
GOLF, n.
1. A game that consists of a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.
2. A game of opposites – the world’s slowest people are ahead of you, and the fastest are behind.
3. A colorful sport that keeps you on the green, in the pink, and financially in the red.
4. A game which is allowed to be played on Sunday (under blue laws) because it was
not considered a game by the law, but a form of moral effort.
5. A game a lot like taxation – you drive hard to get to the green, and then you find yourself in a hole.
GOLF CART, n.
1. A popular mode of transportation because, unlike a caddie, it can neither count, criticize, nor snicker.
GOLFER, n.
1. A person who yells “fore,” takes six, and puts down five;😱😎
2. A guy who has the advantage over a fisherman – he doesn’t have to bring
home anything when he brags he had a great day.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a Happy Tuesday people & whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“A resort in Mexico has opened the first underwater bar. Shortly afterwards it
became host to the world’s slowest bar fight ever.” -Conan O’Brien😁😎
“Taco Bell announced it will begin selling a potato-rito, which is beef, cheese, potatoes,
and chipotle spice wrapped in a tortilla for $1. Or, for the same nutritional value, just eat the dollar.” -Seth Meyers
“Vin Diesel is with us tonight. Vin is not his real name. His real name is
Vehicle Identification Number.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“A school district in Florida is eliminating homework for all school students this year.
Officials say it’s fine because a lot of students are already reading at a fifth grade
level. Unfortunately a lot of those students are in 10th grade.” -James Corden
“ABC is dropping plans for a live musical of ‘The Little Mermaid’ because of budget issues.
Also, because nobody can hold their breath underwater for two hours.” -Jimmy Fallon
“The WWE has trademarked the Bible verse numbers 3:16. It refers to one of the Bible’s most
quoted verses, John 3:16: ‘For God so loved the world, that he gave his only son, that those
who believe in him shall not die but have eternal life.’ Or, as the WWE will now put it,
‘Christ-a-mania is running wild! Woo, baby!'” -Stephen Colbert
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
On a visit to Boston, I noticed a parking meter with a paper sack over it upon which was written: “Broken.” A skeptical parking officer removed the bag, inserted a quarter in the meter and turned the dial. It worked perfectly. As the officer began to write a parking ticket, the car’s owner rushed out of a nearby building. “What are you doing?” he yelled after a quick glance at the meter.
“There’s plenty of time left!” 😎
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Somebody poisoned the waterhole.”
Answer: Toy Story!
“Toy Story” was released in 1995. The film is about what toys do while their owner is away. Once Andy is gone, the toys come to life. Two of the most popular characters are Woody and Buzz Lightyear. Woody is voiced by Tom Hanks and Buzz is voiced by Tim Allen. Sid was an evil neighbor kid who liked to destroy toys. The toys decided to get even. Woody said the line in the question as one of his several quips in attempt to scare Sid. It worked.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Oh, I know it’s a rock, I know. But let’s just pretend for a minute that it’s a seed, alright?”
Monday’s Quizzler is….
Take the given words, and by moving a single letter from one word to the other, make a
pair of synonyms, or near synonyms. For example, given: Boast – Hip, move the ‘s’ from
‘Boast’ to ‘Hip’ creating two synonyms: Boat – Ship.
1. East – Up
2. West – Oak
3. Blog – Ranch
4. Over – Plaint
5. Outage – Ranger
Answer: 1. Eat – Sup
2. Wet – Soak
3. Log – Branch
4. Overt – Plain
5. Outrage – Anger
Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
Find the synonymous word for each word in the following pair. For each pair, the words
you find should rhyme with each other, the first word being an adjective and the second
a noun. Some of these are easy, others are more challenging.
Good luck!
For example: angry father= mad dad
sneaky insect
humorous rabbit
happy boy
muscular tune
close fright
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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http://www.slampi.org, http://www.hopeBUILD.org, http://www.GodLovesPraise.com, https://elisabethluxe.com, http://www.themuscleministry.com.
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