Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Wednesday August 14, 2019

PERKS OF BEING OVER 60…..

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

3. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”

4. No one expects you to run into a burning building.

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There’s nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won’t wear out.

8. You can eat dinner at 4:00 p.m.

9. You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.

12. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

13. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks in the room.

14. You sing along with the elevator and bank background music.

15. Your eyes won’t get much worse.

16. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

17. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service.

18. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.

19. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people & whatever you do,don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

“Humor is just another defense against the universe.” – Mel Brooks

“The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good

ending, then having the two as close together as possible.” – George Burns

“When everyone is against you, it means that you are

absolutely wrong– or absolutely right.”– Albert Guinon

“Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and

good fortune to others.” – Ambrose Bierce

“Police in North Carolina are looking for a pregnant woman who attempted

to rob a bank at gunpoint. FBI sketch artists have just released a sonogram.

Be careful everyone she is armed and lactating.” -Jimmy Fallon

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

A Canadian customer was calling to find out if there was a faster way to trigger menu

commands than mousing up to the menus. Agent: Certainly, sir. There are keyboard

shortcuts for many of those commands. For example, suppose you want to trigger the

Select All command… Caller: Yes, I use that one all the time! How do I do it? Agent:

Well, you just press Control-A. Caller (after a pause): Well, that’s not working for me.

Agent: Do you have a text document open in front of you? Caller: Yes, I sure do.

Agent: OK, now press Control-A. Caller: I am, but nothing happens. Agent: The text

isn’t highlighted? Caller: No, there’s no change at all. Agent: That’s odd. If you press

Control-A the whole document should be highlighted. Try it again. Press Control-A. Tell

me exactly what’s happening. Caller (nearing his Canadian breaking point): Listen.

I’m pressing Control, eh? And nothing’s happening, eh? 😱😳😁😎

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Oh, I know it’s a rock, I know. But let’s just pretend for a minute that it’s a seed, alright?”

Answer: A Bug’s Life! “A Bug’s Life” was released in 1998. It is about a little ant named Flik who tries to make a difference by defeating the evil grasshopper, Hopper. Flik is voiced by Dave Foley. The quote in the question is one of Flik’s. He is speaking to Dot, and uses a rock to represent a seed that will eventually turn into a big tree. Dot keeps saying it is only a rock, and Flik gets frustrated with her because she won’t pretend the rock is a seed.

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Kids these days. They just don’t get scared like they used to.”

Tuesday’s Quizzler is….

Find the synonymous word for each word in the following pair. For each pair, the words

you find should rhyme with each other, the first word being an adjective and the second

a noun. Some of these are easy, others are more challenging. Good luck!

For example: angry father= mad dad

sneaky insect
humorous rabbit
happy boy
muscular tune
close fright

Answer: sneaky insect= sly fly
humorous rabbit= funny bunny
happy boy= glad lad
muscular tune= strong song
close fright= near fear

Wednesday’s Quizzler is…….

If you like pretty gems that sparkle and shine,
I invite you to dig in my virtual mine.
My first is purple, fit for a king,
My second is green where Dorothy did her thing.
My third is red, July’s birthstone as well,
My fourth is seen in strings and is found inside a shell.
My fifth is hard, pure Carbon and expensive to buy,
My sixth is Crocidolite, striped like the big cat’s eye.
Seventh is two words, a man-made fake of April’s stone,
Eighth is very dark and found at Lightning Ridge alone.
Now take from each gem, one letter in its turn,
And you will find the stuff for which even the gods yearn.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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