Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

Are_You_Serious_Thursday_Meme
WELCOME to Thursday August 15, 2019
Signs of the times

Sign in a shoe repair store:
“We will heel you
We will save your sole
We will even dye for you.”

Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office:
“Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”

In a Podiatrist’s office:
“Time wounds all heels.”

On a Septic Tank Truck:
“Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels”

At an Optometrist’s Office:
“If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”

On a Plumber’s truck:
“We repair what your husband fixed.”

On another Plumber’s truck:
“Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
“Invite us to your next blowout.”

On an Electrician’s truck:
“Let us remove your shorts.”

On a Maternity Room door:
“Push. Push. Push.”

In a Veterinarian’s waiting room:
“Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”

In a Restaurant window:
“Don’t stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
“Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”

In a Chicago Radiator Shop:
“Best place in town to take a leak.”

 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people & whatever you do,

don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

DAILY QUOTES…

 “According to a new study, people who live near trees are richer, smarter, and healthier – and

people who live in trees make more cookies.” -Seth Meyers

“Wal-Mart is testing out an app that would allow shoppers to skip the checkout line. Currently that service is known as shoplifting.” -Conan O’Brien

“Brace yourself, because Kraft has announced that they’ve gone natural. I first assumed that

natural meant they were doing their products in the buff. But they mean they have removed
all artificial preservatives, flavors, and dyes from their classic Mac and Cheese recipe. I don’t
get it. I was not aware, first of all, that a packet of orange dust was a technically a recipe.” -Stephen Colbert
“Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.” – Arthur Miller

“Nobody got anywhere in the world by simply being content.” – Louis L’Amour
“The road to hell is paved with adverbs.” – Stephen King
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

The generation gap proved glaringly obvious at the mail-order music company

where my wife works as a customer service representative. Some college students,
who were working part-time inputting customer information, wrote the following
notes regarding some golden oldies: “Customer is looking for two song
titles: ‘Shovel Off Two Buffaloes’ and ‘Honey, Suck a Rose.'”  😳😱😁😎

 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Kids these days. They just don’t get scared like they used to.”

Answer:  Monsters, Inc.!  “Monsters, Inc” was released in 2001. The movie is about monsters and their “business” of going through children’s closet doors to scare them. However, a little girl by the name of Boo gets into their building and scares the monsters instead; except for two, who befriend her. John Goodman voiced Sully, and Billy Crystal voiced Mike. The quote is spoken by Waternoose. Waternoose is the owner of Monsters, Inc. He is also the villain. He speaks the line because the scaring meter has been considerably lower than it had been. They eventually turn their scaring business into a laughing business.

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney.”


  

Wednesday’s Quizzler is….

If you like pretty gems that sparkle and shine,
I invite you to dig in my virtual mine.
My first is purple, fit for a king,
My second is green where Dorothy did her thing.
My third is red, July’s birthstone as well,
My fourth is seen in strings and is found inside a shell.
My fifth is hard, pure Carbon and expensive to buy,
My sixth is Crocidolite, striped like the big cat’s eye.
Seventh is two words, a man-made fake of April’s stone,
Eighth is very dark and found at Lightning Ridge alone.
Now take from each gem, one letter in its turn,
And you will find the stuff for which even the gods yearn.
 
Answer:  The gems are
Amethyst
Emerald (Emerald city – Wizard of OZ)
Ruby
Pearl (From inside oyster shell)
Diamond
Tiger’s eye
Cubic Zirconia (Fake diamond)
Black Opal
Taking the first letter of Amethyst, second of Emerald etcetera gives
Ambrosia – The food of the gods.

 
Thursday’s Quizzler is…….

If E times ILE equals BANISH, and TE times T equals BOOK, what does TO times IN equal?

A. BREATH
B. TEASER
C. RUTABAGA
D. POISON
E. COPPER

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:

http://www.slampi.org, http://www.hopeBUILD.org, http://www.GodLovesPraise.com, https://elisabethluxe.com, http://www.themuscleministry.com

CHECK OUT MY BOOK online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. http://www.amazon.com

 

 

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