Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Wednesday August 21, 2019

ELEVEN GREAT PUNS ABOUT THE LAW!

11) Lawyers wear law suits.

10) Next time you get a lawyer a drink, give him just-ice.

9) A lawyer using a facsimile machine must be sure to get his fax straight.

8) A lawyer for a church did some cross-examining.

7) Does a lawyer representing an angry cow find just cause for sour milk in a dairy case?

6) A detective likes to have a brief case.

5) The detective who went to investigate a burned down post office figured that it must be blackmail.

4) There are many judges who would like to acquit smoking.

3) Old judges never die, they just slur their sentences.

2) A police dog is often the scenter of a drug arrest.

1) If there’s one person you don’t want to interrupt in the middle of a sentence, it’s a judge.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people & whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

“A new study has found that being good-looking can hurt a man’s career because the people in charge of hiring see attractive men as a threat.So if you’re a man who was recently hired for a new job, congratulations

You’re hideous.” -James Corden

“Experts in Israel are trying to re-create a wine used in the time of Jesus.

Apparently, all they need is some water and Jesus.” -Conan O’Brien

“Costco has to pay Tiffany’s $19 million for selling 2,500 fake Tiffany rings. Husbands don’t know what’s worse, having to tell their wife her ring ISN’T from Tiffany, or that it IS from Costco. ‘I’ve got bad news and worse news…'” -Jimmy Fallon

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them

a young man in a sharp, three-piece tunic. “This young lawyer agreed

to marry my daughter,” said the first one.

“No! He agreed to marry MY daughter,” said the other.

And so they haggled before the King until he called for silence.

“Bring me my biggest sword,” said Solomon, “and I shall hew the young

attorney in half. Each of you shall receive a half.”

“Sounds good to me,” said the first woman.

But the other woman said, “Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let

the other woman’s daughter marry him.”

The wise King did not hesitate a moment. “The attorney must marry

the first lady’s daughter,” he proclaimed.

“But she was willing to hew him in two!” exclaimed the King’s court.

“Indeed,” said wise King Solomon. “That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law.” 😱😁😎

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “No brother of mine eats rejectamenta in my town!”

Answer: Ratatouille! “Ratatouille” was released in 2007. The film is about a rat who wants to become a chef in Paris. Patton Oswalt voices Remy.The quote belongs to Remy himself. At the very beginning of the film, Remy is telling the audience how much he dislikes being a rat. He does not like what rats eat, which is garbage. Then his brother comes up eating something. Remy asks what it is and he says, “I don’t really know.”. Then comes Remy’s above-mentioned reply.

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “This is called farming! You kids are gonna grow all kinds of plants! Vegetable plants, pizza plants.”

Tuesday’s Quizzler is….

Replace each word or words in parentheses with a one-word synonym to decipher a common phrase.

1. (Performances) (converse) (noisier) than (terms).

2. (More superior) (delayed) than (not at all).

3. (Sublime) (mental abilities) (contemplate) (similarly).

Answer: 1. Actions speak louder than words.
2. Better late than never.
3. Great minds think alike.

Wednesday’s Quizzler is…….

Susan needed to go to the store to buy some ingredients

to cook with. She started writing them down:
Butter
Milk
Eggs
Baking Soda
Cashews
Oranges
Vinegar
Lemon Juice

What was Susan making?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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