Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Monday August 26, 2019

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN & WOMEN (true)

1. NAMES

If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie,

Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara. If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

2. EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

3. MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that

she doesn’t need, but it’s on sale.

4. BATHROOMS

A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap,

and a towel from the Marriott. The average number of items in the typical woman’s

bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

5. ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that…

is the beginning of a new argument.

6.CATS

Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking, men kick cats.

7. DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

8. FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries

about the future until he gets a wife.

9. SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful

woman is one who can find such a man.

10. MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people & whatever you do,

don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

“A new study came out that reveals some dangerous side effects from childbirth. The

dangerous side effects women suffer include pelvic injuries, muscle tears, and children.” -Conan O’Brien

“A new poll found that women in America are angrier about current events than men.

And if you want to make them even angrier, just tell them they seem angry.” -Jimmy Fallon

“The jackpot is up to an enormous sum. Playing the Powerball is a great way to spend

quality time with strangers outside gas stations.” -Jimmy Kimmel

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a little mole hole. One day the

papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says, “Yum! I smell maple syrup!”

The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says “Yum! I smell honey!”

The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air,

but can’t because the bigger moles are in the way.

So he says, “Geez, all I can smell is….MOLASSES!” 😱😳😎

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Andy’s going to college. Can you believe it?”

Answer: Toy Story 3! “Toy Story 3” was released in 2010. It is about Andy’s toys once again, but this time, instead of being moved to the attic, they are accidentally sent to a day care. Now they must escape. Once again Tom Hanks and Tim Allen reprise their voice roles as Woody and Buzz. The film was also the first Pixar film to earn one billion dollars at the box office. The quote is said by Andy’s mom. It is near the beginning of the movie, a quote that first tells us about Andy being all grown up. The toys are in the day care because of Andy growing up and not needing them anymore.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???

“Hey, you wanna hear my philosophy of life? Do it to him before he does it to you.”

Friday’s Quizzler is….

In each of the cases below, scramble the letters and then add an X at the end to make a new word.

Example: coven + x = convex

1) real + x =
2) torah + x =
3) compel + x =
4) claim + x =
5) nasty + x =
6) hoboes + x =

Answer:

1) Relax
2) Thorax
3) Complex
4) Climax
5) Syntax
6) Shoebox

Monday’s Quizzler is…….

I have a common English phrase. I feed this phrase into a computer translation program. This translates it into a foreign language then back into English again. Unfortunately, because computers do not understand idiom and sarcasm, the phrase has been changed. It now reads:

BLIND, INSANITY.

What was the original phrase?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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