Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Wednesday August 28, 2019

“A Woman’s Dictionary…………

*Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when

you’re right, but he just hasn’t realized it yet.

*Bar-be-que (bar*bee*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce,

chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned

everything up, but he “made the dinner”.

*Blonde Jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

* Clothes Dryer (cloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.

* Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half

pound bag of peanut M&M’s.

* Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.

* Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

* Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend a half hour writing, then forget to take

with you to the store.

* Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be

able to duplicate again.

* Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space—if he goes in, he isn’t

coming out any time soon.

* Valentine’s Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner,

diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.

* Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!

Quotes of the Day

“Politics is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary.”

– Robert Louis Stevenson

I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints.

They’re upstairs in my socks.” – Groucho Marx

“A man thinks that by mouthing hard words he understands hard things.”

– Herman Melville

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness

is the attribute of the strong.” –Gandhi

“First say to yourself what you would be; and

then do what you have to do.” –Epictetus

“It is better to keep your mouth shut and to appear stupid

than to open it and remove all doubt.” –Mark Twain

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

A crew of highway maintenance workers were sent to repair some

road signs that vandals had knocked down in a forested

area. The first one they put back up was a symbol warning of a deer

crossing. As they moved down the road to repair the next sign, one

member, of the crew looked back and spotted a deer running across

the highway. She turned to a co-worker and said, “I

wonder how long he’s been waiting to cross?” 😱😳😎

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “I’m as mad as …, and I’m not going to take this anymore!”

Answer: Peter Finch – “Network” “Network” is a 1976 movie and starred Peter Finch as Howard Beale, a TV anchor, who learns that because of bad ratings, he is being taken off air in two weeks. He announces that he will commit suicide on air, so he is fired. He persuades his viewers to shout the above quote, out of their windows. The film also starred Fay Dunaway, William Holden, Robert Duvall and Ned Beatty.

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “The horror, the horror.”

Tuesday’s Quizzler is….

In a far away land, it was known that if you drank poison, the only way to save yourself is to drink a stronger poison, which neutralizes the weaker poison. The king that ruled the land wanted to make sure that he possessed the strongest poison in the kingdom, in order to ensure his survival, in any situation. So the king called the kingdom’s pharmacist and the kingdom’s treasurer, he gave each a week to make the strongest poison. Then, each would drink the other one’s poison, then his own, and the one that will survive, will be the one that had the stronger poison.
The pharmacist went straight to work, but the treasurer knew he had no chance, for the pharmacist was much more experienced in this field, so instead, he made up a plan to survive and make sure the pharmacist dies. On the last day the pharmacist suddenly realized that the treasurer would know he had no chance, so he must have a plan. After a little thought, the pharmacist realized what the treasurer’s plan must be, and he concocted a counter plan, to make sure he survives and the treasurer dies. When the time came, the king summoned both of them. They drank the poisons as planned, and the treasurer died, the pharmacist survived, and the king didn’t get what he wanted. What exactly happened there?

Answer: The treasurer’s plan was to drink a weak poison prior to the meeting with the king, and then he would drink the pharmacist’s strong poison, which would neutralize the weak poison. As his own poison he would bring water, which will have no effect on him, but the pharmacist who would drink the water, and then his poison would surely die. When the pharmacist figured out this plan, he decided to bring water as well. So the treasurer who drank poison earlier, drank the pharmacist’s water, then his own water, and died of the poison he drank before. The pharmacist would drink only water, so nothing will happen to him. And because both of them brought the king water, he didn’t get a strong poison like he wanted.

Wednesday’s Quizzler is…….

A part of the body is hidden in each of the following sentences. The first sentence contains “head.” Can you find the rest?

1. The ad is for Monday’s sale.
2. The tour group can go to either country.
3. My car makes funny noises sometimes.
4. Sarah and Tony are getting married.
5. That casino seems shady.
6. Can’t you see that Hank needs help?
7. The sea is so calm out here.
8. Would you like to go surfing, Erin?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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