Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Wednesday September 4, 2019

Only A Southerner Knows…..

* Only a Southerner knows how many collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up “a mess.”

* Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of “yonder.”

* Only a Southerner knows exactly how long “directly” is as in: “Going to town, be back directly.”

* All Southerners know exactly when “by and by” is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

* Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who’s got trouble is a

plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad.

* Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between “right near” and “a right far piece.” They also know that

“just down the road” can be 1 mile or 20.

* No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

* A Southerner knows that “fixin” can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.😁

* A Southerner knows that when you say “crack” the window you mean open the window up (in the house) or roll it down

(in the car).

* In the South, ‘y’all’ is singular….’all y’all” is plural.😎

* And a true Southerner knows you don’t scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say “Bless her heart” and go your own way.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t y’all forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!

Quotes of the Day

“Earlier today in Los Angeles, armed robbers held up a

medical marijuana clinic. Police can’t identify the
robbers because all the eyewitnesses say they have

glaucoma.” – Conan O’Brien

“There are more fools in the world

than there are people.” – Heinrich Heine

“Women will forgive anything. Otherwise, the

race would have died out long ago.” —Robert Heinlein

“In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom,

in water there is bacteria.” -Ben Franklin

Being happy doesn’t mean everything’s perfect; it just means

you’ve decided to see beyond the imperfections. –Unknown

“Start every day off with a smile

and get it over with.” – W. C. Fields

“It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a

reputation for subtlety.” – Isaac Asimov

“The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a

thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a

thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out

to be impossible to get at or repair.”- Douglas Adams

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

One of our projects at military leadership school called for us to speak

in front of the class on a topic picked by our instructor. A classmate gave

an impassioned speech on the benefits of drinking liquor. Alcohol, he

insisted, warded off colds, kept you alert, and even made you steadier

on your feet. “Good job,” said our instructor when he finished. “Only one
thing: Your topic was the benefits of drinking liquids, not liquor.”😱😏😁😎

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Carpe diem. Seize the day, boys. Make your lives extraordinary.”

Answer: “Dead Poets Society”
“The Dead Poets Society” is a 1989 movie and stars Robin Williams as John Keating, an English teacher, who through poetry, inspires his students. The movie also stars Robert Sean Leonard, Ethan Hawke and Josh Charles, among others.

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “My mother thanks you. My father thanks you. My sister thanks you. And I thank you“.

Tuesday’s Quizzler is….

You are given five words and five definitions. Each of the words can be anagrammed into a two word phrase that fits one of the definitions. Your task is to assign each definition to its corresponding word.

Example – cobalt: to hit a feline in a high arc (cat lob)

Words: chameleon, medium, physical, president, tungsten

Definitions:

a boat constructed of thick mud-like soil

a cozy canvas shelter

a device for trapping tarantulas

a not too bright bird

a tidy house

Answer: chameleon: a tidy house (clean home)

medium: a not too bright bird (dim emu)

physical: a boat constructed of thick mud-like soil (clay ship)

president: a device for trapping tarantulas (spider net)

tungsten: a cozy canvas shelter (snug tent)

Wednesday’s Quizzler is…….

Emperor Akbar once ruled over India. He was a wise and intelligent ruler, and he had in his court the Nine Gems, his nine advisors, who were each known for a particular skill. One of these Gems was Birbal, known for his wit and wisdom. The story below is one of the examples of his wit. Do you have it in you to find out the answer?

One day, a dishonest, one-eyed man wanted to punish Birbal. He accused him of stealing his 24 karat gold necklace and reported this theft to the police. The case was brought to the high court where the judge knew Birbal very well, and he also knew that he was not a thief. So, he asked the man, “What makes you think that Birbal stole your necklace?”

“Your Honor, with my own one eye, I saw him stealing the necklace,” the man swiftly replied. Then he stated, “If he is innocent, let him prove it. Allow me to bring a hot iron, and if he can hold it in his bare hands, then I will be satisfied that he didn’t take my necklace and isn’t lying to me.”

A confused Birbal said, “You mean that if I’m telling the truth, I will not burn my hands with that red hot iron?”

“Of course not! God will then protect you,” the man strongly declared in front of a nodding crowd.

It would seem as if Birbal couldn’t do anything but hold the red hot iron which would undoubtedly burn him whether he was telling the truth or lying. However, he came up with another one of his witty replies on the spot.

Can you guess what he said?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:

http://www.slampi.org, http://www.hopeBUILD.org, http://www.GodLovesPraise.com, https://elisabethluxe.com, http://www.themuscleministry.com.

CHECK OUT MY BOOK online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. http://www.amazon.com