Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Friday September 6, 2019

Here’s the story…

A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each

child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to

come up with the remainder of the proverb…..

* Strike while the …bug is close

* It’s always darkest before…Daylight Savings Time

* Never underestimate the power of…termites

* You can lead a horse to water but…how?

* Don’t bite the hand that…looks dirty

* No news is…impossible

* A miss is as good as a…Mr.

*You can’t teach an old dog new…………math

* If you lie down with dogs, you’ll…stink in the morning

* The pen is mightier than the…pigs

* An idle mind is…The best way to relax

* Where there’s smoke there’s…pollution

* Happy the bride who…gets all the presents

* A penny saved is…not much

* Two’s company, three’s…the Musketeers

* Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and…you have to blow your nose

* None are so blind as…Helen Keller

* Children should be seen and not…spanked or grounded

* When the blind leadeth the blind…get out of the way

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and

whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!

Quotes of the Day

“When I’m driving here I see a sign that says, CAUTION: SMALL

CHILDREN PLAYING. I slow down, and then it occurs to me, I’m
not afraid of small children.” –Jonathan Katz

“Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny

into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn’t go far
didn’t see him shoot across that floor.

I told him he was grounded.” –Tim Allen

“I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless

enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as

though it had an underlying truth.” – Umberto Eco

“I detest life-insurance agents; they always argue that I shall some

day die, which is not so.”- Stephen Leacock (1869 – 1944)

“It’s a very sad day in America — Oscar Meyer passed away at the age

of 95. He’ll be buried later this week in

sauerkraut and mustard.” – Craig Ferguson

“I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo,

and I’m thinking, okay, here’s a gal who’s capable of making a decision

she’ll regret in the future.” –Richard Jeni

“There’s always one of my uncles who watches a boxing match with me and

says, “Sure. Ten million dollars. You know, for that kind of money, I’d fight him.

” As if someone is going to pay $200 a ticket to see a 57-year-old carpet

salesman get hit in the face once and cry. –Larry Miller

“Inside every older person is a younger person — wondering what

the hell happened.” –Cora Harvey Armstrong 😱

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

This guy has been working as a bag boy in a supermarket for five years.

One day the supermarket gets new orange juice machines,
and the bag boy is real excited and asks the manager if he can work the

juice machines. The manager says no. The bagger says, “But I’ve been

working here for 5 years, why can’t I run the juice machines?”

The manager goes, “I’m sorry, son, but, baggers can’t be juicers.” 😐😎

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “You know you don’t have to act with me, Steve. You don’t have to say anything, and you don’t have to do anything. Not a thing. Oh, maybe just whistle. You know how to whistle, don’t you.

Answer: “To Have and Have Not” “To Have and Have Not” is a 1944 movie and stars Lauren Bacall as Marie “Slim” Browning. The movie is set during World War II and tells a story about the owner of a boat in Martinique who works for the resistance and helps a person on the run from the Nazis. This film also stars Humphrey Bogart and Walter Brennan. The movies in the three alternate answers to this question all starred Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall. Steve? You just put your lips together and… blow.”

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “I’m walking here! I’m walking here!”

Thursday’s Quizzler is….

Jessica, Matt, Chris, Ellen, and Tony are five students having the surnames Saunders, Alvarez, Mason, Tan, and Locke (not necessarily in that order) assigned to each read a different book and write a book report on them. But their teacher, unluckily, has forgotten which student is supposed to read which book! Help her figure out the students’ full names, assigned books, and presentation dates from the clues below.

Students: Jessica, Matt, Chris, Ellen, Tony

Surnames: Saunders, Alvarez, Mason, Tan, Locke

Books: Pride and Prejudice, Jane Eyre, Gone With the Wind, War and Peace, Oliver Twist

Days: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday

1. Jessica, Chris, and the girl reading War and Peace plan to write their reports together on Monday night.

2. The 5 students are Matt, the girl presenting on Wednesday, the guy presenting on Tuesday, the kid reading Gone With the Wind, and Chris Saunders.

3. No person has the same first and last initials.

4. Miss Alvarez is presenting on Wednesday, while Pride and Prejudice is being presented on Monday.

5. Locke is mad he is the first to present, but Chris is happy because he is last.

6. Miss Tan wanted to read either Jane Eyre or War and Peace, but Tony and Ellen wound up reporting them instead.

Answer: Jessica Tan is reporting Gone With the Wind on Thursday.

Matt Locke is reporting Pride and Prejudice on Monday.

Chris Saunders is reporting Oliver Twist on Friday.

Ellen Alvarez is reporting War and Peace on Wednesday.

Tony Mason is reporting Jane Eyre on Tuesday.

Friday’s Quizzler is…….

A phobia is an irrational fear or hatred of a specific thing or situation which compels one to avoid it despite awareness and reassurance that the object or situation is not dangerous. Listed below are the names and definitions of six phobias. Five are real phobias documented in psychology journals, while one is an imposter. Can you determine which one from the list below is not a real phobia?

Trichopathophobia – Fear of hair
Pentheraphobia – Fear of mother-in-law
Aibohphobia – Fear of Palindromes
Doraphobia – Fear of fur or skins of animals
Logizomechanophobia – Fear of computers.
Onomatophobia- Fear of hearing a certain word or of certain names.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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