Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Wednesday September 11, 2019

IMPORTANCE OF WALKING…

1. Walking 20 minutes can add to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend

an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month.

2. My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he’s 97 years

old… and we haven’t a clue where the hell he is.

3. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

4. The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.😱

5. I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I’m doing.

6. I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven’t lost a pound…

apparently you have to actually go there.

7. Every time I hear the dirty word “exercise”, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.😁

8. I do have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.😳

9. The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they’ll say, ‘Well,

he looks good doesn’t he.’

10. If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

11. I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years, just getting over the hill was enough.

12. We all get heavier as we get older, because there’s a lot more information in our skulls.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!

Quotes of the Day

“Starbucks is reportedly adding alcohol to the menu at one of its stores.

When asked why, a spokesperson for Starbucks said, ‘Because sober

people don’t pay eight bucks for a cup of coffee’.” – Conan O’Brien

“A new study from the National Center for Health finds that 86 percent

of women get married by age 40. The other
14 percent get cats.” – Jimmy Fallon

“It is bad luck to be superstitious.” – Andrew W. Mathis

“According to this week’s Newsweek, in this bad economy, a lot of wealthy

people are feeling what’s known as luxury shame. They’re embarrassed

about their wealth while others are hurting. Although they say, after a few bottles of Cristal, that feeling goes away.” –Jay Leno

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

MEDICAL DAFFYNITIONS…

– Artery: The study of painting

– Bacteria: The back door of the cafeteria

– Barium: What doctors do when their patients die

– Bowel: A letter like A, E, I, O or U

– Caesarean Section: A neighborhood in Rome

– CAT Scan: Searching for a kitty

– Cauterize: To make eye contact with a girl

– Coma: A punctuation mark

– Enema: Someone who is not your friend

– Fester: Quicker

– Fibula: A small lie

– Labor Pain: When you get hurt at work

– Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates

– Node: Was aware of

– Outpatient: A patient who fainted

– Pelvis: An Elvis impersonator

– Recovery Room: A place to do upholstery

– Secretion: Something you don’t want anyone to know

– Seizure: A Roman emperor

– Tablet: A small table

– Terminal: Where the planes land

– Urine: Opposite of “you’re out”

– Varicose: Nearby

– Vein: To be conceited

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “I own the hotel, and I live there. My life is very much like Monopoly.”
Answer: Two Weeks Notice! These words were said by George to Lucy, as he introduced her to his world and the extent of his riches. The plot of the 2002 film, “Two Weeks Notice”, revolved around the relationship between rich tycoon, George Wade, (played by Hugh Grant), and environmental lawyer, Lucy Kelson, (played by Sandra Bullock). After going to work for George, with the aim of changing things from the inside out, Lucy found herself relegated to the role of George’s personal babysitter. Refusing to continue in this vein, Lucy gave George her two weeks notice, but not before realising that she found her boss strangely attractive.

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Hi, my name’s Mae, and that’s more than a name, that’s an attitude.”

Tuesday’s Quizzler is….

Each of the following clues refers to a word that begins with “ten”. Can you guess all ten of them?

1. Inclination
2. Delicate or gentle
3. A sinew
4. A racket game
5. Capable of being stretched
6. Between the bass and alto
7. Stretched tight
8. Unsubstantial
9. A dwelling
10. An opinion held to be true.

Answer: 1. Tendency

2. Tender

3. Tendon

4. Tennis

5. Tensile

6. Tenor

7. Tense

8. Tenuous

9. Tenement or Tent

10. Tenet

Wednesday’s Quizzler is…….

Whilst delivering Christmas presents, Santa became stuck in different chimneys and became very behind schedule. At what time was Santa rescued from each chimney, which child was he delivering what present to and which reindeer hauled him out?

Santa was not delivering the Train Set to Craig.

Rudolph hauled Santa out of one chimney exactly 1 hour before Santa was rescued from Diana’s chimney.

Building Blocks were delivered to Ryan after 1:30a.m. but before 4:00a.m.

Blitzen hauled Santa out of one chimney exactly half an hour after Donner hauled him out of another.

Comet helped Santa when he was stuck in Jerry’s chimney: this was not the last chimney that he was stuck in that morning.

The Teddy Bear was delivered directly before the Doll, but not to Diana and wasn’t with Santa when Rudolph pulled him out.

Prancer did not help Santa when he was stuck in the chimney with Drums.

No reindeer helped Santa out of a chimney with a toy having the same initial as the reindeer’s name.

Times: 1:00a.m, 1:30a.m, 2:00a.m, 2:30a.m, 4:00a.m.
Reindeer: Blitzen, Comet, Donner, Prancer, Rudolph
Child: Craig, Diana, Jerry, Ryan, Sadie
Toy: Building Blocks, Doll, Drums, Teddy Bear, Train Set

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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