Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Friday September 13, 2019

Weekend Punagraphy…

1. Is there a time limit on fortune cookie predictions?

2. Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

3. Do they have the word “dictionary” in the dictionary?

4. Can you daydream at night?

5. Why is it that on a phone or calculator the number

five has a little dot on it?

6. Can crop circles be square?

7. If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs,

why don’t they fall through the floor?

8. Is it legal to travel down a road in reverse, as long as

your following the direction of the traffic?

9. When Atheists go to court, do they have to swear on the bible?

10. Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?

11. Can animals commit suicide?

12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is

eating an endangered plant?

13. If a doctor suddenly had a heart attack while doing surgery,

would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?

14. How can something be “new” and “improved”? if it’s new,

what was it improving on?

15. Why aren’t drapes double sided so it looks nice on the inside

and outside of your home?

16. Why is it that when we “skate on thin ice”, we can “get in hot water”?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!

Quotes of the Day

“What’s another word for Thesaurus?” – Steven Wright

“An intellectual snob is someone who can listen to the

William Tell Overture and not think of The Lone Ranger.” – Dan Rather

“What can you say about a society that says that

God is dead and Elvis is alive?” – Irv Kupcinet

“Do you know what you call people in Hollywood

who’ve been married for 3 years? Divorced.” –David Letterman

“At a school in Virginia, the president announced tough new reading

standards for high school students. He wants ninth graders to read

at an eighth-grade level by the time they’re

in the 12th grade.” –Jay Leno

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

I sat with my infant son in front of the TV, hostage to my husband’s channel-surfing.

He eventually settled on an R-rated movie in which the actress was soon topless.

“Honey, change the channel,” I said, shielding my son’s eyes. “He shouldn’t see this.”

“It’s okay.” my husband replied. “He probably thinks it’s the Food Network.” 😱

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Don’t you tell me what to see! I see someone in front of me who got his partner in trouble and sent her off to some butcher, while he moved on to an innocent young girl like my daughter!”

Answer: Dirty Dancing! These words were said by an angry Jake Houseman, to Johnny Castle, after the former mistook the latter as the father of Penny’s baby.The plot of the 1987 film, “Dirty Dancing”, revolved around the youngest daughter of the Houseman family, nicknamed ‘Baby’, (played by Jennifer Grey) and dance instructor, Johnny Castle, (played by Patrick Swayze). While holidaying with her parents and sister, Baby began a relationship with Johnny, after agreeing to stand in for his dance partner, Penny. Unfortunately for the pair, their relationship was frowned upon by most people, especially Baby’s father, who considered Johnny to be a bad influence on his daughter.

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “I feel just like Julia Roberts in “Pretty Woman”. You know, except for the whole hooker thing.”

Thursday’s Quizzler is….

Can you decipher the following common phrase?

T M C
A U O
H S M
W T E

Answer: What goes up must come down.

Friday’s Quizzler is…….

Starting with a one-letter word or abbreviation, add a letter and rearrange the letters to produce the next. A clue is given for each.

Maybe your car does 0 to 60 in 10 sec., but can you do this “0 to 10” in 60 sec.? Go on – get out the stopwatch!

The hint provides the starting letters of the even numbered words.

1. Describing a 180 degree turn
2. Greek’s 13th letter
3. e.g. Macadamia, pecan, or acorn
4. Large fish, usually found in small cans
5. Mum’s sisters
6. Remove (someone) from position of power
7. Crazy person – or a container for #3!
8. Creatures of Greek mythology: half man and half horse
9. More loyal and devoted
10. Most slovenly or grubby; most earthy or vulgar

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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