Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Friday September 13, 2019

From The Mouths Of Babes….

* “Close the curtains,” requested our 2 year old granddaughter, sitting in a pool of bright light. “The sun’s looking at me too hard.”

* My friend asked our grandson when he would turn 6. He replied, “When I’m tired of being 5.”

* Seeing her first hailstorm, Mary Sue, age 3, exclaimed, “Mommy, it’s raining dumplings!”

* As I frantically waved away a pesky fly with a white dishtowel, my granddaughter observed, “Maybe he thinks you’re surrendering.”

* A friend’s grandson, 4, was reading with his granddad about Adam and Eve. He asked, “Is this where God took out the man’s brain and made a woman?”😳

* Announcing to daughter Lori that her aunt just had a baby and it looked like her uncle, she said, “You mean he has a mustache?”

* When I asked our grandson if he could name the capital of Florida, he fired right back, “Capital F!”

* Shampooing my 4-year-old, I noted his hair was growing so fast he’d soon need it cut. He replied, “Maybe we shouldn’t water it so much.”

* My daughter told her 5-year-old that their van was going to be fixed. Instantly, the small fry assumed, “Oh, it’s going to the tire-o-practor?”

* Impressed by her 5-year-old’s vocabulary, my friend complimented the young scholar, who nonchalantly responded, “I have words in my head I haven’t even used yet.”

* His Mom informed her son, Brian, that she was going outside to get a little sun. “But Mommy, he gulped, “You already have a son. Me!”

* When our son asked about two look-alike classmates at school, we told him they were probably twins. The next day, he came home from school all bubbly and said, “Guess what! They are not only twins….they’re brothers!!”

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!

Quotes of the Day

“A Stanford study suggests that social media is making us smarter. They examined

hundreds of essays written by college freshmen between 1917 and 2006. By 2016,

the papers were longer, better researched, and more complex. That’s because kids

in 2016 cut and pasted them from Wikipedia.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“NASA is sending chocolate to astronauts on the International Space Station. I guess

it makes sense I mean, it’s not like those guys have to watch their weight.

“Nope, still zero pounds.'” -Jimmy Fallon

“Psychologists now believe that adulthood begins at 25, not 18. They also believe that middle age begins the first time you eat at a Denny’s while sober.” -Conan O’Brien

“Year, (noun) A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.”

–Ambrose Bierce’s DEVIL’S DICTIONARY

“Few things are harder to put up with than the

annoyance of a good example.” –Mark Twain

“I’m sick of following my dreams. I’m just going to ask them where they’re

going and hook up with them later.” -Mitch Hedberg

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

My family physician told me of an incident that actually happened to him back

in the early days of his practice. He said a woman brought her baby to see him,

and he determined right away that the baby had an earache. He wrote a prescription

for ear drops. In the directions he wrote, “Put two drops in right ear every four hours”

and he abbreviated “right” as an R with a circle around it. Several days passed, and

the woman returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache,

and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil. The doctor

looked at the bottle of ear drops and sure enough, the pharmacist had typed

the following instructions on the label: “Put two drops in R ear every four hours.” 😱😁😎

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “I feel just like Julia Roberts in “Pretty Woman”. You know, except for the whole hooker thing.”

Answer: She’s All That! These words were said by Laney, following her dramatic makeover, courtesy of Zach’s sister, Mackenzie.The plot of the 1999 film, “She’s All That”, revolved around geeky art student, Laney Boggs, (played by Rachael Leigh Cook), and popular jock, Zack Siler, (played by Freddie Prinze, Jr). After being dumped by his girlfriend, Zack accepted his friend’s bet, and made it his mission to turn Laney into a prom queen. Although initially wary, Laney soon warmed to Zack, up until the terms of the bet were revealed.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “All I’m saying is, there’s a reason why Sporty Spice is the only one without a fella!”

Friday’s Quizzler is….

Starting with a one-letter word or abbreviation, add a letter and rearrange the letters to produce the next. A clue is given for each.
Maybe your car does 0 to 60 in 10 sec., but can you do this “0 to 10” in 60 sec.? Go on – get out the stopwatch!
The hint provides the starting letters of the even numbered words.

1. Describing a 180 degree turn
2. Greek’s 13th letter
3. e.g. Macadamia, pecan, or acorn
4. Large fish, usually found in small cans
5. Mum’s sisters
6. Remove (someone) from position of power
7. Crazy person – or a container for #3!
8. Creatures of Greek mythology: half man and half horse
9. More loyal and devoted
10. Most slovenly or grubby; most earthy or vulgar

Answer:

1. U
2. Nu
3. Nut
4. Tuna
5. Aunts
6. Unseat
7. Nutcase
8. Centaurs
9. Stauncher
10. Raunchiest

Monday’s Quizzler is…….

When you curtail a word, you remove the last letter and still have a valid word. You will be given clues for the two words, longer word first.
Example: Begin -> Heavenly body
Answer: The words are Start and Star.

1. Greeting word -> Hades; place of torment
2. Company symbol -> Tree trunk piece; written record
3. Large stringed instrument -> Small room; prison
4. Vote against; forbid -> Pet doctor
5. Jewellery or stone carved in relief -> Arrived; moved toward something
6. Champion; type of sandwich -> That woman
7. Rope with a sliding loop at one end -> An unmarried young woman
8. Exhibition of cowboy skills -> Was carried on the back of an animal

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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