Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Tuesday September 17, 2019

Children’s Real Science Exam Answers..

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes
large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends

to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and

nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Why I’m intercontinental right now, which explains everything,

that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a Happy Tuesday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!

Quotes of the Day

“Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a lot of expense and

aggravation later in life.” – Robert Byrne

“I write down everything I want to remember. That way, instead of spending

a lot of time trying to remember what it is I wrote down, I spend the time

looking for the paper I wrote it down on.” – Beryl Pfizer

The chef at a family-run restaurant had broken her leg and came into our insurance

office to file a disability claim. As I scanned the claim form, I did a double take.

Under “Reason unable to work,” she wrote: “Can’t stand to cook.” 😳😎

“Mattel is releasing a new “Teacher” Barbie next week. Apparently, it’s just like

Malibu Barbie–only she can’t afford the Corvette.” -Stephanie Miller

“The baby is great. My wife and I have just started potty training. Which I think is

important, because when we want to potty-train the baby we

should set a good example.” –Howie Mandel

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

A 80-year-old man is having his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he’s feeling.

“I’ve never been better!” he replies. “I’ve got an 18-year-old bride who’s pregnant

and having my child! What do you think about that?”

The doctor considers this for a moment, then says, “Well, let me tell you a story. I know

a guy who’s an avid hunter. He never misses a season. But one day he’s in a bit of a hurry

and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. “So he’s in the woods and

suddenly a grizzly bear appears in front of him! He raises up his umbrella, points it at the bear, and squeezes the handle. The bear drops dead in front of him, suffering from a bullet wound in his its chest.” “That’s impossible! Someone else must have shot that bear,” the man said. “Exactly,” replies the Doc.😱😳👀😐😁😎

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???“All I’m saying is, there’s a reason why Sporty Spice is the only one without a fella!”

Answer: Bend It Like Beckham! These words were said by Jules’ mother, Paula, following another unsuccessful attempt to get her daughter out of wearing her usual football shirt.The plot of the 2002 film, “Bend It Like Beckham”, revolved around two football mad teenagers, Jess Bhamra, (played by Parminder Nagra), and Jules Paxton, (played by Keira Knightley). Despite her passion for the sport, as a woman from a traditional Punjabi Sikh family, Jess was forbidden from playing football. However after having a kick-about in the park, where she met Jules, Jess joined a local team, without the knowledge of her family. But unfortunately for Jess, her secret did not remain hidden for long. Moreover the tournament final was held on the same day as Jess’ sister’s wedding, presenting Jess with a further predicament.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “I am in a dress, I have gel in my hair, I haven’t slept all night, I’m starved, AND I’m armed! Don’t MESS with me!”

Monday’s Quizzler is….

When you curtail a word, you remove the last letter and still have a valid word. You will be given clues for the two words, longer word first.
Example: Begin -> Heavenly body
Answer: The words are Start and Star.

1. Greeting word -> Hades; place of torment
2. Company symbol -> Tree trunk piece; written record
3. Large stringed instrument -> Small room; prison
4. Vote against; forbid -> Pet doctor
5. Jewellery or stone carved in relief -> Arrived; moved toward something
6. Champion; type of sandwich -> That woman
7. Rope with a sliding loop at one end -> An unmarried young woman
8. Exhibition of cowboy skills -> Was carried on the back of an animal

Answer: 1. Hello -> Hell
2. Logo -> Log
3. Cello -> Cell
4. Veto -> Vet
5. Cameo -> Came
6. Hero -> Her
7. Lasso -> Lass
8. Rodeo -> Rode

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….

Here are more movie alternates, but this time they are a bit more challenging.
Use synonyms of the following phrases to decode popular movie titles.

1.) Razors of Honor
2.) Wonder-male Comes Back
3.) Ruler of the Bands
4.) Endless Light of the Unstained Head
5.) Super Quartet
6.) Mandibles

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:

http://www.slampi.org, http://www.hopeBUILD.org, http://www.GodLovesPraise.com, https://elisabethluxe.com, http://www.themuscleministry.com.

CHECK OUT MY BOOK online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. http://www.amazon.com