WELCOME to Friday September 20, 2019
BACHELOR: A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her alimony.
BRIDE: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
COMPROMISE: An amiable arrangement between husband and
wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.
DIPLOMAT: A man who can convince his wife she would look fat in a fur coat.
GENTLEMAN: A husband who steadies the stepladder so that
his wife will not fall while she paints the ceiling.
HOUSEWORK: What the wife does that nobody notices until she doesn’t do it.
HUSBAND: A man who gives up privileges he never realized he had.
JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT: A handy little device which permits the wife to beat the husband to the draw.
LOVE: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.
MOTHER-IN-LAW: A woman who destroys her son-in-law’s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
MRS.: A job title involving heavy duties, light earnings, and no recognition.
SPOUSE: Someone who will stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn’t
have had if you’d stayed single in the first place.
WIFE: A mate who is forever complaining about not having anything to wear at the very same
predicts your financial worth after graduating college.
It doesn’t give you a number, just tells you which
Starbucks you’ll be working at and for
how long.” -Conan O’Brien
“A math blogger says he’s figured out ‘the world’s favorite
number.’ It turns out that it’s 7. The least popular number?
The fake phone number you get when you tell a girl you’re
a math blogger.” -Jimmy Fallon
“A pair of Ohio teens were caught this weekend using a beer
bong to drink full two-liter bottles of Mountain Dew. It’s a
rare case where the punishment is the crime.” -Seth Meyers
“Starting today, all the Democratic presidential candidates are
visiting the Iowa State Fair. This is that very stupid time in American
politics when the presidential hopefuls have to impress Iowans
by posing next to a farm animal sculpted out of butter.” Jimmy Kimmel
“A college student in Georgia was worried that his parents would
be mad at him for flunking English. So he tried to fake his own
kidnapping. The parents figured it out when the ransom note said,
‘We has your son.'” -Conan O’Brien
“Thanks to our trade war with China, stocks have been up and
down, and I saw that Apple lost almost $50 billion. Then every
customer with a missing AirPod was like, ‘Sucks
losing something, doesn’t it?'” -Jimmy Fallon
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
Finishing up our work at a trade show in San Diego, my co-worker Maureen
and I decided to go sightseeing across the border in Tijuana, Mexico.
While there, we went shopping and bought a few pieces of clay kitchenware.
As we crossed back into the United States, a customs official asked if
we had anything of value to report. “Not really,” Maureen replied, digging in
her bag for the bean crock she had purchased.
Everyone around us froze as she continued, “I only bought a little pot.” 😱😳😁😎
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???“My insurance does not cover PMS!”
Answer: 10 Things I Hate About You! These words were said by Walter to his eldest daughter, Kat, after she purposefully rammed her car into that of slimy male model, Joey. The plot of the 1999 film, “10 Things I Hate About You”, revolved around sisters, Kat and Bianca Stratford, (played by Julia Stiles and Larisa Oleynik). Polar opposites in looks and personality, younger sister Bianca enjoyed life with the popular crowd, while her elder sister, Kat, preferred to remain an unsociable outcast. However after rebellious teenager, Patrick Verona, (played by Heath Ledger), was encouraged to date Kat as part of a bet, the sisters’ lives began to get very interesting.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???“But the thing is, um, what I’m trying to say, very inarticulately, is that, um, in fact, perhaps despite appearances, I like you, very much. Just as you are.”
Thursday’s Quizzler is….
This word has 10 letters namely
1234 – carries heredity
456 – is a period of time
567 – is a pest
and 890 – is a charged particle
What is the word?
1234 carries heredity – gene
456 – is a period of time – era
567- is a pest – rat
890 is a charged particle – ion
Friday’s Quizzler is…….
Emperor Akbar once ruled over India. He was a wise and intelligent ruler, and he had in his court the Nine Gems, his nine advisors, who were each known for a particular skill. One of these Gems was Birbal, known for his wit and wisdom. The story below is one of the examples of his wit. Do you have it in you to find out the answer?
One day the Emperor Akbar startled his courtiers with a strange question.
“If somebody pulled my moustache, what sort of punishment should be given to him?” he asked.
“He should be flogged!” said one courtier.
“He should be hanged!” said another.
“He should be beheaded!” said a third.
“And what about you, Birbal?” asked the emperor. “What do you think would be the right thing to do if somebody pulled my whiskers?”
“He should be given sweets,” said Birbal.
“Sweets?” gasped the other courtiers.
Why do you think Birbal gave such a strange answer to the Emperor’s strange question?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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