Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Monday September 23, 2019

Pondering Out Loud…
-How come wrong numbers are never busy?
-Do people in Australia call the rest of the world “up over”?
-Does killing time damage eternity?
-Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
-Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
-Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
-Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn-shop?
-Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?
-How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
-How many weeks are there in a light year?
-If Barbie’s so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?
-If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make foghorns out of?
-If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
-Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!

Quotes of the Day

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be

necessary from time to time to give a stupid or mis-
informed beholder a black eye.” – Miss Piggy

“Illusion is the first of all pleasures.” – Oscar Wilde

“Do what you can, with what you have,

where you are.” – Theodore Roosevelt

“Not many people know this, but the word barbeque

is actually a Norwegian word that means ‘I love you.’

That’s not true, but if it were true, wouldn’t it

be awesome?” -Craig Ferguson

“Nissan announced that they’ve developed a new car

that gets 367 miles per gallon. It’s called the Nissan Fred
Flintstone.” -Conan O’Brien

“In Florida an 87-year-old grandmother was bitten by a

rattlesnake. Then she killed the snake with her bare hands.
Even PETA said, ‘Make yourself a belt out of it, lady!'” –Jimmy Fallon

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

When a customer left his cell phone in my store, I scrolled through

his saved numbers, stopped at “Mom” and pushed send.
His mother answered, and I told her what happened. “Don’t worry,”

she said, “I’ll take care of it.” A few minutes later, the cell phone rang.

It was “Mom.” “Martin,” she said, “you left your cell phone at the convenience store.” 😎😁😳

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “But the thing is, um, what I’m trying to say, very inarticulately, is that, um, in fact, perhaps despite appearances, I like you, very much. Just as you are.”
Answer: Bridget Jones’s Diary! These words were said by Mark to Bridget at the end of a dinner party, prompting Bridget to remain uncharacteristically quiet. The plot of the 2001 film, “Bridget Jones’s Diary”, revolved around singleton, Bridget’s (played by Renée Zellweger) attempts to find love. After falling for her roguish boss, Daniel Cleaver, (played by Hugh Grant), Bridget spent a few happy weeks planning their future, until the rug was eventually pulled out from under her feet. Meanwhile her parents split up, and her career nosedived, giving her plenty of additional things to worry about. However amidst all the drama, Mark Darcy, (played by Colin Firth), hovered on the sidelines, as the proverbial knight in shining armour, just waiting for an opportunity to sweep Bridget off her feet.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???“You’re the first woman I’ve seen in one of these things that dresses like a woman, not like a woman thinks a man would dress if he was a woman.”

Friday’s Quizzler is….

Emperor Akbar once ruled over India. He was a wise and intelligent ruler, and he had in his court the Nine Gems, his nine advisors, who were each known for a particular skill. One of these Gems was Birbal, known for his wit and wisdom. The story below is one of the examples of his wit. Do you have it in you to find out the answer?

One day the Emperor Akbar startled his courtiers with a strange question.
“If somebody pulled my moustache, what sort of punishment should be given to him?” he asked.

“He should be flogged!” said one courtier.

“He should be hanged!” said another.

“He should be beheaded!” said a third.

“And what about you, Birbal?” asked the emperor. “What do you think would be the right thing to do if somebody pulled my whiskers?”

“He should be given sweets,” said Birbal.

“Sweets?” gasped the other courtiers.

Why do you think Birbal gave such a strange answer to the Emperor’s strange question?

Answer: Birbal continued, “Yes, sweets, because the only one who would dare pull His

Majesty’s moustache is a small child such as your grandson.”

Birbal said this because he knew no adult person, however close to the Emperor, would

get away with something like that, as a moustache was a symbol of power and not something to be taken lightly.

So pleased was the emperor with the answer that he took off his necklace and gave it to Birbal as a reward for his quick wit.

Monday’s Quizzler is…….

Since Jeremy and his friends now had more apples than they could possibly eat, they needed to find ways to use them up. So each friend hit the cookbooks and started busily baking (it’s remarkable how many yummy recipes there are for apples!). As it happens, each friend did such a good job making one recipe, that it was forever after their specialty. Fortunately for them, each one had a different specialty. Determine the name of each friend’s special recipe, the type of apples and special ingredient each dish used, and the number of apples each recipe used.

1. The recipes, in no particular order, were the recipe using cinnamon, the recipe using three apples, the apple tarts, the recipe using Macoun apples, and the apple crisp.

2. The recipe using the Cortland apples used one apple more than the apple bread but one apple less than the recipe using the raisins.

3. The muffins used one more apple than the recipe with the walnuts but two less apples than the recipe using the Red Delicious apples.

4. The nutmeg was used in the apple crisp, which used more than two apples but less than the apple pie used. The apple pie used more apples than the treat with the raisins.

5. The apple muffins, which weren’t made with Macoun apples, used pecans.

6. The Empire apples weren’t used in the apple crisp. The recipe using the McIntosh apples used the most apples.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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