Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Tuesday September 24, 2019

More pondering out loud…..

1. Can bald men get lice?
2. When your photo is taken for your driver’s license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?
3. Do butterflies remember life as a caterpillar?
4. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
5. Does the postman deliver his own mail?
6. Why does toilet bowl cleaner only come in the color blue?
7. What happens when you put hand sanitizer on a place other then your hand?
8. Why are women and men’s shoe sizes different?
9. Can you “stare off into space” when you’re in space?
10. Where do people in Hell tell other people to go?
11. Is “vice-versa” to a dyslexic just plain redundant?
12. Why do we say we’re head over heels when we’re happy? Isn’t that the way we normally are?
13. If prunes are dehydrated plums, where does prune juice come from?
14. Is it appropriate to say “good mourning” at a funeral?
15. If there’s an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a Happy Tuesday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!

Quotes of the Day

“I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in

my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.” – Emo Phillips

“A countryman between two lawyers is

like a fish between two cats.” – Benjamin Franklin

“I never think of the future – it

comes soon enough.” – Albert Einstein

“Rome was founded by the twins Romulus and Remis. They were

like the Olsen twins, if the Olsen twins built their own
town, and it lasted for a thousand years.” -Craig Ferguson

“A woman in California is being studied because she says she remembers

everything from the last 12 years. And I’m thinking, ‘Wait a minute —

isn’t that every woman?'” -Dave Letterman😐😳

“Researchers at Johns Hopkins University are predicting that 75

percent of Americans will be overweight by the year 2015.
But my fellow Americans, with a little team work, I think we can

do it by 2010. USA! USA!” -Conan O’Brien

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

You Know You Drink Too Much Coffee When…

* You ski uphill.

* You get a speeding ticket even when you’re parked.

* You speed walk in your sleep.

* You answer the door before people knock.

* You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

* You sleep with your eyes open.

* You watch videos in fast-forward.

* You can snap a picture of yourself, eight feet away without using the timer.

* You lick your coffeepot clean.

* Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

* You chew on other people’s fingernails.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “You’re the first woman I’ve seen in one of these things that dresses like a woman, not like a woman thinks a man would dress if he was a woman.”
Answer: Working Girl! These words were said by Jack to Tess, during the merger party. The plot of the 1988 film “Working Girl” revolved around an ambitious career woman, Tess McGill, (played by Melanie Griffith). After being misled by a colleague, Tess decided to take matters into her own hands and, with her boss out of the office, concocted a plan to get herself promoted.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Do you know what everyone says about you behind your back? Hmm? They say that

you’re a homeschooled jungle freak, that’s a less hot version of me!”

Monday’s Quizzler is….

Since Jeremy and his friends now had more apples than they could possibly eat, they needed to find ways to use them up. So each friend hit the cookbooks and started busily baking (it’s remarkable how many yummy recipes there are for apples!). As it happens, each friend did such a good job making one recipe, that it was forever after their specialty. Fortunately for them, each one had a different specialty. Determine the name of each friend’s special recipe, the type of apples and special ingredient each dish used, and the number of apples each recipe used.

1. The recipes, in no particular order, were the recipe using cinnamon, the recipe using three apples, the apple tarts, the recipe using Macoun apples, and the apple crisp.

2. The recipe using the Cortland apples used one apple more than the apple bread but one apple less than the recipe using the raisins.

3. The muffins used one more apple than the recipe with the walnuts but two less apples than the recipe using the Red Delicious apples.

4. The nutmeg was used in the apple crisp, which used more than two apples but less than the apple pie used. The apple pie used more apples than the treat with the raisins.

5. The apple muffins, which weren’t made with Macoun apples, used pecans.

6. The Empire apples weren’t used in the apple crisp. The recipe using the McIntosh apples used the most apples.

Answer:

Apple Bread-Macoun-walnuts-2
Apple Crisp-Red Delicious-nutmeg-5
Apple Muffins-Cortland-pecans-3
Apple Pie-McIntosh-cinnamon-6
Apple Tarts-Empire-raisins-4

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….

What do these groups of words have in common?

1. Man true, hairy
2. Son nick, yard rich
3. Son will, row wood
4. Grant, us list you
5. More fill, lard mill
6. Ding hard, wren war

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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