Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Friday September 27, 2019

A FEW SIMPLE RULES FOR HAPPY LIVING:

Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone

else to hold the vegetables while you chop.

Avoid arguments with women about lifting the toilet seat

by using the sink.😁

For high blood pressure sufferers – simply cut yourself and bleed for

a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.

A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you

from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. You’ll be afraid to cough.😱

You only need two tools in life – WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and it should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn’t move and it does, use the duct tape.

If you can’t fix it with a hammer, you’ve got an electrical problem.

Daily thought: Some people are like Slinkies…not really good for much but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Friday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!

Quotes of the Day

“Truth is more of a stranger

than fiction.”- Mark Twain

“If I knew I was going to live this long, I’d have taken

better care of myself.” – Mickey Mantle

“Never face facts; if you do, you’ll never get up

in the morning.” – Marlo Thomas

“I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals.

I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.”

– A. Whitney Brown

“Is sloppiness in speech caused by ignorance or apathy?

I don’t know and I don’t care.” – William Safire

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

The problem – There’s a box with a hole at each end and there’s a rabbit in the box. The rabbit sticks his head out of the hole in one end, and a minute later he sticks it out the other end. Half a minute later, his head appears at the opposite end, a fourth of a minute later it appears at the end opposite to that one, an eighth of a minute later… etc., etc. How long will it take before the rabbit sticks its head out of both ends of the box at the same time? In theory, two minutes. In practice,

no answer is possible unless you split hares.😎😐

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Whatever you do, don’t fall asleep.”

Answer: A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) By the end of the film, Nancy is the only one who does. Philosophically speaking, Nancy’s (in)famous warning to Glen, “Whatever you do, don’t fall asleep,” is a reminder for all of us not to fall asleep in our own lives, or become victims to inertness, laziness, mediocrity, or complacency.

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “You truly love each other and so you might have been truly happy. Not one couple in a century has that chance, no matter what the story books say. And so I think no man in a century will suffer as greatly as you will.”

Thursday’s Quizzler is….

Find the names of 5 planets hidden in the following sentences:

1. “What hurts?” asked the doctor. “It’s my ear,” the patient cried.

2. “Steven, use the screwdriver to build those shelves.”

3. Everyone takes a turn during Monopoly.

4. “Cassie, you ran us over with your bicycle!”

5. “Sam, arsenic is poisonous. I read the definition in the dictionary.”

Answer: 1. Earth 2. Venus 3. Saturn 4. Uranus 5. Mars

Friday’s Quizzler is…….

A potato’s key tool, I have all the power.

I am generally used on the half or full hour.

If my cells were deceased or lost or the such,

My partner would only respond to your touch.

What am I?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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