Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Thursday October 3, 2019

Here’s the story…

The Atlanta School Board, feeling left out by the fuss over Ebonics, has decided to

designate Southern slang, or “Hickphonics,” as a language to be taught in all Southern

schools. Here are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary:

HEIDI — noun. Greeting.

HIRE YEW – Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage:”Heidi. Hire yew.”

BARD — verb. Past tense of the infinitive “to borrow.” Usage:”My brother bard my pickup truck.”

JAWJUH — noun. A state just north of Florida. Capital is Hot-lanta. Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck.”

MUNTS — noun. A calendar division. Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain’t herd from him in munts.”

RANCH — noun. A tool used for tight’nin’ bolts. Usage: “I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago.”

ALL — noun. A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: “I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck.”

FAR — noun. A conflagration. Usage: “If my brother from Jawjuh don’t change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far.”

BAHS — noun. A supervisor. Usage: “If you don’t stop reading these Southern words and git back to work (or studying), your bahs is gonna far you!”

TAR — noun. A rubber wheel. Usage: “Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don’t git a flat tar in my pickup truck.”

TIRE — noun. A tall monument. Usage: “Lord willin’ and the creek don’t rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime.”

RETARD — Verb. To stop working. Usage: “My grampaw retard at age 65.”

TARRED — adverb. Exhausted. Usage: “I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred.”

FAT — noun, verb. 1. a battle or combat. 2. to engage in battle or combat.

ARE — pronoun. Possessive case of we used as a predicate adjective.

RATS — noun. Entitled power or privilege. Usage: “We Southerners are willin’ to fat for are rats.”

FARN — adjective. Not local. Usage: “I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed… must be from some farn country.”

DID — adjective. Not alive. Usage: “He’s did, Jim.”

EAR — noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA). Usage: “He cain’t breath … give ‘im some ear!”

BOB WAR — noun. A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: “Boy, stay away fom that bob war fence.”

HAZE — a contraction. Usage: “Is Bubba smart?” “Nah… haze gnert.”

SEED — verb, past tense.

VIEW — contraction: verb and pronoun. Usage: “I ain’t never seed New York City… view?”

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and

whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!

Quotes of the Day

“NASA announced that it has finally discovered water on Mars. When they heard, Americans were like, ‘Eh, tell us when they discover beer.'” -Jimmy Fallon

“A woman in Italy recently married herself in a ceremony that included a three-layer

wedding cake, bridesmaids, and 70 guests. Did I say guests? I meant cats. 70 cats.” -Seth Meyers

“The other day in Australia, a wedding took place inside a Costco. Because it was

Costco, the groom came home with 12 brides.” -Conan O’Brien

“In Washington, D.C., yesterday, vandals spray-painted graffiti on the Lincoln Memorial.

Historians are calling it the second worst thing to ever happen to Abraham Lincoln.” -Conan O’Brien

“A new report says that San Francisco is the most expensive city for single people in the

U.S., due to the cost of gym memberships, date nights, and clothing. So if you don’t mind

being overweight, alone and naked, San Francisco is actually quite affordable.” -Jimmy Fallon

“A 24-year-old woman who was caught attempting to smuggle $20 million worth of cocaine out of South America said she only did it to get ‘likes’ on her Instagram travel photos. According to the girl’s attorney, she’s going to plead YOLO.” -James Corden

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

Having grown up just outside New York City, I barely knew a cow from an

ear of corn. Until, that is, I married a small town Ohio girl. While I was in

seminary school, I had a temporary assignment at a church in a rural

community. The day of my first sermon, I tried very hard to fit in. Maybe

too hard. With my wife sitting in the first pew, I began my discourse:

“I never saw a cow until I met my wife.” 😱😳👀😁😎

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “The story of my life. I always get the fuzzy end of the lollipop.”

Answer: Some Like It Hot! Marilyn Monroe’s character, Sugar Kane, utters these words after explaining how she’s always getting left behind singing with male bands. She has decided to stick with female bands to get away from the heartache caused by falling in love and having everything taken away from her.

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “I love you. I’ve loved you since the first moment I saw you. I guess maybe I’ve even loved you before I saw you.”

Wednesday’s Quizzler is….

How quickly can you find out what is so unusual about this paragraph? It looks so ordinary that you would think that nothing is wrong with it at all, and, in fact, nothing is. But it is unusual. Why? If you study it and think about it, you may find out, but I am not going to assist you in any way. You must do it without coaching. No doubt, if you work at it for long, it will dawn on you. Who knows? Go to work and try your skill. Par is about half an hour.

Answer:

The letter `e` , which is the most used letter in the alphabet, is missing from this paragraph.

Thursday’s Quizzler is…….

What is the word that has 1 syllable, but when you add 1 letter to the end, it becomes 3 syllables?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:

http://www.slampi.org, http://www.hopeBUILD.org, http://www.GodLovesPraise.com, https://elisabethluxe.com, http://www.themuscleministry.com.

CHECK OUT MY BOOK online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. http://www.amazon.com