Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Tuesday October 8, 2019

HOW TO WRITE GOOD….

Avoid alliteration. Always.

Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat.)

Employ the vernacular.

Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

Contractions aren’t necessary.

Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

One should never generalize.

Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate

quotations. Tell me what you know.”

Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

Don’t be redundant; don’t use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.

Be more or less specific.

Understatement is always best.

One-word sentences? Eliminate.

Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

The passive voice is to be avoided.

Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

Who needs rhetorical questions?

Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a Happy Tuesday people and

whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!

Quotes of the Day

“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring,

close-knit family in another city.” – George Burns

“After two years in Washington, I often long for the

realism and sincerity of Hollywood.” – Fred Thompson

“It is a profitable thing, if one is

wise, to seem foolish.” – Aeschylus

“In the future everyone will be famous

for fifteen minutes.”- Andy Warhol

“There are two ways to slide easily through life; to believe

everything or to doubt everything. Both ways save us

from thinking.” – Alfred Korzybski

“Nothing can be so amusingly arrogant as a young man who

has just discovered an old idea and thinks it is his own.” – Sidney J. Harris

“I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things,

and I have succeeded fairly well.” –Robert Benchley

“Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are

ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.” –George Carlin

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

Ten Signs You Need to Start Eating More!

10. You’ve slipped through three sewer grates this week!

9. What you call “a three-course meal” other people refer to as “an asparagus.”

8. Since they installed the automatic door at the corner shop, you cannot enter alone.

7. You fell out of a tree and didn’t hit the ground for 10 minutes.

6. Your stomach starts to hurt whenever you see how much bread the ducks at the pond are eating.

5. Your son wins the ‘Best Decorated Kite’ award, although he and you were only spectators.

4. The bus doesn’t stop because you were hidden behind the sign.

3. Your pajamas only have one stripe.

2. You break wind and knock yourself over.😳

1. You have to run around in the shower to get wet.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Boy, I got vision, and the rest of the world wears bifocals.”

Answer: Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid! Butch says this to Sundance after explaining that they should go to Bolivia, believing that it has better gold, silver and tin mines. Sundance has heard many of his somewhat ridiculous ideas before.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???

“I know what you’re thinking. Did he fire six shots or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I’ve kinda lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: ‘Do I feel lucky?’ Well, do ya punk?”

Monday’s Quizzler is….

Each group of words has one four letter prefix that fits in front of them to form

another word or phrase. Can you figure out which word it is for each group?

1. Nail, man, out, ten

2. Sick, work, room, plate

3. Do, up, shift, believe

4. Range, shot, horn, bow

5. Back, baked, way, hour

6. Dress, band, ache, rest

7. Chair, jump, light, rise

8. Note, print, ball, step

9. Arm, fly, works, sale

Answer: 1. Hang 2. Home 3. Make 4. Long 5. Half 6. Head

7. High 8. Foot 9. Fire

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….

My first is simply a vegetable, delicious, round and green.

My third and fourth are sound asleep, as plainly can be seen.

My fifth is fifty, clear enough for any riddle-setter.

Two of my second stacked on their sides will give my final letter.

Now that my second has my parts, fit them together well.

You see me now before your eyes; it’s plain for all to tell.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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