Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Wednesday October 9, 2019

Answers from a Children’s Science exam where words 
take on new meanings……really.
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants

 like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (Brilliant, love this!)
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to

 flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature
 hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. 😳

 (The kid gets an A+ for this answer!)

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (i.e., abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts — the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the

abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does ‘varicose’ mean? (I do love this one…)
A: Nearby.😱

Q: Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarian Section.’
A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
Quotes of the Day
“Good judgment comes from experience, and
experience comes from bad judgment.” – Barry LePatner
“The only time you can’t afford failure is
 the last time you try.” –Charles Kettering 👀
“We don’t have user-centricity. Until we understand context, which is
way beyond presence–presence is the most trivial notion of context.”
 –Bill Gates attempting to explain his company’s .net initiative.
“The old man laughed loud and joyously, shook up the details of his anatomy
from head to foot, and ended by saying such a laugh was money in a man’s
pocket, because it cut down the doctor’s bills like anything.” –Mark Twain
“Vote early and vote often.” – Al Capone

“If a woman tells you she’s twenty and looks sixteen, she’s twelve. If she tells
you she’s twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she’s darn near forty.” –Chris Rock
“My mother wanted me to go to church to meet women. That’s wrong, ain’t it?
‘Praise the Lord! Hey, how ya doing? Nice dress. Look, I’m going to go over
there and get some of this wine and crackers, want some?'” –Warren Hutcherson
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes…. 
Classic & Really BAD Pick Up Lines (How many times have ya heard this stuff?)
-I’m new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?
-I’m sorry, were you talking to me? Her: No. Well then, please start.
-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.
-If I followed you home, would you keep me?
-If you were a tear in my eye I would not cry for fear of losing you.
-Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?
-My lenses turn dark in the sunshine of your love.
-So there you are! I’ve been looking all over for YOU, the girl of my dreams!
-Stand still so I can pick you up!
-Was you father an alien? Because there’s nothing else like you on earth!
-What time do you have to be back in heaven?
-What was that sound? It was the sound of my heart breaking.
-What’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?
-What’s that in your eye? Must just be a twinkle.
-What’s your sign?
-Where have you been all my life?
-Would you touch me so I can tell my friends I’ve been touched by an angel?
-Wouldn’t we look cute on a wedding cake together?
-You look like an angel. Welcome to Earth.
-You must be a hell of a thief ’cause you stole my heart from across the room.
-Your legs must be tired because you’ve been running through my mind all night. 😱
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“I know what you’re thinking. Did he fire six shots or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I’ve kinda lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: ‘Do I feel lucky?’ Well, do ya punk?”
Answer:  Dirty Harry!

After firing six shots, Harry walks over to a wounded bank robber who’s reaching for his gun when he says this. The bank robber gives himself up, but tells Callahan he has to know. Harry fires the empty gun at him and takes him in.
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? 
“Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!”
Tuesday’s Quizzler is….​
My first is simply a vegetable, delicious, round and green.
My third and fourth are sound asleep, as plainly can be seen.
My fifth is fifty, clear enough for any riddle-setter.
Two of my second stacked on their sides will give my final letter.
Now that my second has my parts, fit them together well.
You see me now before your eyes; it’s plain for all to tell.
Answer:  Puzzle.
My first is simply a vegetable, delicious, round and green. – Pea / P
My third and fourth are sound asleep, as plainly can be seen. – ZZ
My fifth is fifty, clear enough for any riddle-setter. – L (Roman Numeral)
Two of my second on their sides will give my final letter. – E (Take 2 U’s and stack them sideways.)
Now that my second has my parts, fit them together well. – Now that YOU (u) have my parts…
You see me now before your eyes; it’s plain for all to tell.
Wednesday’s Quizzler is…….
Take the given words, and by moving a single letter from one word to the other, make a pair of synonyms,
or near synonyms. For example, given: Boast – Hip, move the ‘s’ from ‘Boast’ to ‘Hip’ creating two synonyms: Boat – Ship.

1. Claw – At
2. Rag – Below
3. Shred – Ban
4. Table – Seven
5. Potless – Purse
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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