Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Thursday October 10, 2019

IF MEN RULED THE WORLD….
Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically
forward your call to her real number.
Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed
an acceptable response To “I love you.”
Hallmark would make “Sorry, what was your name again?” cards.
When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game,
she’d appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the backside and a
“Nice hustle, you’ll get ‘em next time” would pretty much do it.
Birth control would come in ale or lager.
Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes
 of the NFL Team of your choice.
The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you’d jump out
your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and
right into your car like Fred Flintstone.
It’d be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on
horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.
Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for
violating the “public ugliness” ordinance.
Tanks would be far easier to rent.
Garbage would take itself out.😁
Instead of beer belly, you’d get “beer biceps.”
Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your
wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, “You’re #1!”

Valentine’s Day would be moved to February 29th so it would

only occur in leap years. (Wouldn’t help — you STILL wouldn’t remember!) 👀
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
Quotes of the Day
“You know you’ve got bad eating habits if you use a
grocery cart in a 7-Eleven, okay?” –Dennis Miller

“I was walking through the park last night and had a very bad
asthmatic attack. These three asthmatics attacked me.
I know…I should have heard them hiding.” –Emo Philips

“Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start

 getting better taste in them.” –Bill Maher
“Sanity is a madness put to
good use.”- George Santayana
“The human race is faced with a cruel choice:
work or daytime television.” – Unknown
“Sanity calms, but madness is
more interesting.”- John Russell
“The great thing about human language is that it prevents
us from sticking to the matter at hand.” – Lewis Thomas
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes…. 
The district attorney was cross-examining the murderess on the witness stand.  “And so after you had poisoned the coffee and your husband sat at the breakfast table partaking of the fatal dosage, didn’t you feel any qualms? Didn’t you feel the slightest pity for him knowing that he was about to die and was wholly unconscious of it?”  “Yes,” she answered. “Come to think of it…there was just a moment when I sort of felt sorry for him.” “And, when was that?” “When he asked for the second cup.” 😱
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!”
Answer: Monty Python and the Holy Grail!

John Cleese’s character stands in a castle, tossing out random insults to the British, including the classic, “I fart in your general direction!” He also convinces the English that they already possess the Holy Grail.

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“If you build it, he will come.”
Wednesday’s Quizzler is….​
Take the given words, and by moving a single letter from one word to the other, make a pair of synonyms,
or near synonyms. For example, given: Boast – Hip, move the ‘s’ from ‘Boast’ to ‘Hip’ creating two synonyms: Boat – Ship.

1. Claw – At
2. Rag – Below
3. Shred – Ban
4. Table – Seven
5. Potless – Purse

Answer:  1. Law – Act

2. Rage – Blow
3. Shed – Barn
4. Stable – Even

5. Spotless – Pure 

Thursday’s Quizzler is…….
Each of the clues below describe a name of a candy.
Can you name that candy? Example: Earth’s neighbor = Mars.

1. Quiet giggles from the back of the room
2. Infant child of The Sultan of Swat (2)
3. Cow juice / cowboy clothes (2)
4. Baby chick chirps
5. Male parental unit that plays guitar (2)
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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