WELCOME to Monday October 14, 2019
Signs You’re Going to Have a Bad Day
You know it’s going to be a bad day when…
* your twin sister forgets your birthday.
* you wake up face down on the pavement.
* you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
* you call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.
* you see a “60 Minutes news team” waiting in your outer office.
* your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
* you turn on the TV news and they’re displaying emergency routes out of your city.
* you wake up to discover that your water bed broke and then you realize
that you don’t have a water bed.
* your horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow
a group of Hell’s Angels on the freeway.😱
* you get a rejection notice from the HUMOR List server saying
that you’re no longer funny.
* your doctor tells you, “Well, I have bad news and good news…”
* you open the paper and find your picture under a caption that
reads: “WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE!”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
Quotes of the Day
“Our constitution protects aliens,
drunks and U.S. Senators.” – Will Rogers
“There are only two kinds of scholars; those
who love ideas and those who hate them.”
– Emile Chartier
“A woman in Great Britain has died after being hit in the back of the head
by a golf ball, on the first hole. Her husband was so distraught,
he only played the front nine.” – Jay Leno 😁 😎
“It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something
stupid to say and then don’t say it.” –Sam Levenson
“To make a long story short, there’s nothing like
having a boss walk in.” –Doris Lilly
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
My 14-year-old daughter, Maggie, and her best friend, Joannie are fans of 60’s music.
They recently got front-row tickets to attend a Peter, Paul, and Mary concert in our town.
When they returned home from the concert that night, I wanted to hear all the details
of the concert. My daughter says, “Mom, during the show, we looked back an saw hundreds of little lights swaying to the music. At first we thought people were holding up cigarette lighters. Then we realized that the lights were the reflections off all the eyeglasses in the audience!” 😁😎
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Now, you’ve got a corpse in a car, minus a head, in a garage. Take me to it.”
The Wolf says this to Jules, Jimmie and Vincent, while devising a plan to vacate the premises before Bonnie gets home and calculates that they have about 40 minutes to get going. Did you know? Director Quentin Tarantino originally wanted Michael Madsen to play the lead role (he was tied up in “Wyatt Earp” at the time), while Harvey Weinstein was pushing for Daniel Day-Lewis. Travolta, whose career was floundering at this point, accepted the role for far less money than either of the front-runners would have been paid. Fortunately, “Pulp Fiction” revitalized Travolta’s career and nabbed him an Oscar nomination.
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“At my signal, unleash hell.”
Friday’s Quizzler is….
Determine each person’s first and last name, the color of each package,
what each contained, and what time it was delivered.
1. Michelle did not receive shoes and did not receive her package at 1:00 PM. Mr. Jones didn’t receive his package in the afternoon.
2. The button up shirt did not come in a black or purple package. The shirt Michael received is not a sweatshirt. The purple package did not contain shoes.
3. Mrs. Marks, who received her package at 3:00 PM, didn’t receive a light pink package, which was not delivered at 9:00 AM.
4. Kevin’s last name isn’t Johnson and he didn’t receive his package at 4:00 PM. The high heels did not come in the hot pink package and were not delivered at 11:00 AM.
5. The hot pink package was delivered two hours after the button up shirt and two hours before Kara received her package.
6. The order of the appointments is the person who ordered the clogs, Ms. Green and her shirt, the owner whose last name is Smith, the person who received the red package, and Jason.
Answer: Michael Smith, Hot Pink, Flannel Shirt, 1PM;
Kevin Jones, Black, Clogs, 9AM;
Jason Johnson, Purple, Sweatshirt, 4PM;
Michelle Green, Light Pink, Button Up, 11AM;
Kara Marks, Red, High Heels, 3PM
Monday’s Quizzler is…….
Two men working at a construction site were up for a challenge, and they were pretty mad at each other. Finally, at lunch break, they confronted one another. One man, obviously stronger, said “See that wheelbarrow? I’m willin’ to bet $100 (that’s all I have in my wallet here) that you can’t wheel something to that cone and back that I can’t do twice as far. Do we have a bet?”
The other man, too dignified to decline, shook his hand, but he had a plan formulating. He looked at the objects lying around: a pile of 400 bricks, a steel beam, the 10 men that had gathered around to watch, his pickup truck, a stack of ten bags of concrete mix, and then he finalized his plan.
“All right,” he said, and revealed his object.
That night, the strong man went home thoroughly teased and $100 poorer. What did the other man choose?
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