“Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state.”

“H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.”

“To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.”😐

“When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.”

“Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is

 pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.”😁

“Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.”

“The body consists of three parts — the branium, the borax, and the abominable cavity.

The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the

abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five — a, e, i, o, and u.”😱

“Blood flows down one leg and up the other.”

“Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration,

and then expectoration.”

“The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.”

“Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.”

“A super saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.”

“Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.”

“The pistol of a flower is its only protections agenst insects.”

“My toughest fight was with

my first wife.” – Muhammad Ali

“The ASPCA has now released a list of guidelines

and tips if you’re going to dress your pet up in

a costume for Halloween. The No. 1 tip is,

‘Get a life.’” -Conan O’Brien

I was addressing some mail when I noticed that my card file of frequently used

addresses was missing. Thinking it must have fallen from my typing table into

the wastebasket, I  called the office janitor.  “I’ve lost my Rolodex,” I told him.

“It may have been picked  up with the trash. Is there any way you could find it?”

He said he would conduct a search. When the janitor informed me he had searched

every trash container for my Rolodex, with no luck, I thanked him for his trouble.

As I left work that evening, the janitor met me at the door.

“Good night,” he said smiling apologetically. “Sorry I couldn’t find your watch.”  😱

“If real is what you can feel, smell, taste and see, then ‘real’ is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain.”

Morpheus says this to Neo, when Neo can’t come to terms with the “real” world, after he becomes unplugged.

Did you know? Will Smith turned down the role of Neo to star in “Wild, Wild West,” while Nicolas Cage turned down the same role for personal reasons. Sandra Bullock declined the role of Trinity and Sean Connery turned down the role of Morpheus. “The Matrix” was filmed almost entirely in Australia, but hid as many landmarks as possible to make it seem like it was an everyday American town. Some are still visible though, such as the Sydney Harbour Bridge.

2. How will you put a zebra in a fridge in 4 steps?

3. The King of the Jungle, the lion, is having a wedding ceremony. All of the animals come to attend the ceremony except one. Which one is it and why doesn’t it come?