Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Monday November 4, 2019
 
Here’s the story….
About the time our original thirteen states adopted their new constitution in 1787,
Alexander Tyler, a Scottish history professor at the University of Edinburgh, had
this to say about the fall of the Athenian Republic some 2,000 years earlier: “A
democracy is always temporary in nature; it simply cannot exist as a permanent
form of government.  “A democracy will continue to exist up until the time that
voters discover they can vote themselves generous gifts from the public treasury.
“From that moment on, the majority always vote for the candidates who promise
the most benefits from the public treasury, with the result that every democracy
will finally collapse due to loose fiscal policy, which is always followed by a dictatorship.
“The average age of the world’s greatest civilizations from the beginning of history,
has been about 200 years. During those 200 years, those nations always
progressed through the following sequence:

1. From bondage to spiritual faith;
2. From spiritual faith to great courage;
3. From courage to liberty;
4. From liberty to abundance;
5. From abundance to complacency;
6. From complacency to apathy;
7. From apathy to dependence;

8. From dependence back into bondage 😐

 
Have a great Monday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
Quotes of the Day
“The great tragedy of Science – the slaying of
a beautiful hypothesis by an ugly fact.”

– Thomas H. Huxley
“The conventional view serves to protect
 us from the painful job of thinking.”
– John Kenneth Galbraith
“Personally I’m always ready to learn, although
 I do not always like being taught.”
– Sir Winston Churchill
“A new study shows that California has the dirtiest
 tap water in the country. California officials insist
that the dirty water is fine as long as you
chew it thoroughly.” -Conan O’Brien
They used to say a recession is when your neighbor
lost his job, and a depression is when you lost yours,
but now they say a recession is when Wall Street gets
bailed out, and a depression is what you get thinking about it.” -Jay Leno
“A new study found that women’s faces age and wrinkle
 just like their mothers. The study was conducted by the
American Society of Wrong Things to Say to Your Wife.” -Jimmy Fallon
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….  
Wife one-liners…..

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. — Henny Youngman😳
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. — Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong. — Milton Berle
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. — George Burns😁
What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds. — Cindy Garner
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, “There was water in the carburetor.”
I said, “Where’s the car?” She said, “In the lake.” — Henny Youngman
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. — Phyllis Diller
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. — Henny Youngman
People are always asking couples whose marriages have endured at least a quarter of
a century for their secret for success.  Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving
woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman. — Erma Bombeck
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.
” The husband replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice.”😁
My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So now I have two girlfriends.

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. 😱

 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? 
“Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.”
Answer:  Airplane!

“Airplane!” is a comedy spoof based on airline disasters. The passengers in the plane are infected with a strange virus. Ted Striker (Hays) is their only hope in landing the plane safely, but he hasn’t flown a plane since his accident in the war. We see how it is soley up to Striker to save the passengers when his copilot is really a basketball player, and his flight director, McCroskey, has a substance abuse problem. (As we can tell by the above quote he made to himself, he likes to sniff glue.)
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“I have, and if you had the sense of a billy goat, you’d clean your house up ‘stead of bummin’ ’round ours.”

Friday’s Quizzler is….​
Inspector Ixolite of the Yard was investigating a murder at Nottonmye Manor.

It was a difficult case, and Ixolite was completely stumped until he noticed a message sent to him by the killer cunningly hidden in a newspaper advertisement selling Car Licence Plates.
Inspector Ixolite thought about it for a while, and when he had solved the puzzle, immediately arrested the guilty man.
Q1) How did Ixolite know the advert was a clue for him?
Q2) Solve the code and tell me who Ixolite arrested.
This is the newspaper advert (Car licence plates for sale) that Inspector Ixolite saw.
Plates For Sale;
[W 05 NWO]
[H 13 HSR ]
[O 05 EBM]
[D 08 UNE]
[U 10 HTY]
[N 04 BRE]
[N 16 TTE]
[I 26 LHC ]
[T 10 AEE]
[I 26 CNA]

[X 22 VDA]

Answer: 1)The first bit is easy, as the first letter of each plate spells WHODUNNIT IX

(A challenge to our Inspector.)
2)The second bit is a little trickier, but I gave you the solution.
If you read the last three letters in each plate from the bottom up and right to left you get
ADVANCE EACH LETTER BY THE NUMBER SHOWN, so advance W by 5 to get B,

H by 13 to get U and so on until you spell BUTLER DID IT.  

 
 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is…….
Take away my first letter and I am a store.

Take away the second and people who look at me adore.
Put all my letters back and read me in reverse if you are able.
I am now cars suspended from an overhead cable.
Take a letter away and I become male sheep.

Did you get it, or did the letters you try to keep?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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