Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Tuesday November 5, 2019
 
ACTUAL HEADLINES…
“Crack Found on Governor’s Daughter”
“Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash”
“Expert Says Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers”
“Iraqi Head Seeks Arms”
“Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?”
“Prostitutes Appeal to Pope”
“Panda Mating Fails, Veterinarian Takes Over”
“Teacher Strikes Idle Kids”
“Miners Refuse to Work after Death”
“Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant”
“War Dims Hope for Peace”
“If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile”
“Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures”
“Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide”
“Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges”
“Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead”
“Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge”
“New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group”
“Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft”
“Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy”

“Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors”

 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a Happy Tuesday
people and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
Quotes of the Day
A mission statement is defined as “a long, awkward sentence
that demonstrates management’s inability to think clearly.”
All good companies have one.

If it weren’t for the fact that the TV and the refrigerator are
so far apart, some of us wouldn’t get any exercise at all.
“Inside every older person is a younger person — wondering
what the hell happened.” –Cora Harvey Armstrong 😱
“Confusion is always the
most honest response.” – Marty Indik

“Humor is just another defense
 against the universe.” – Mel Brooks
“Humor is also a way of saying
something serious.” – T. S. Eliot
Constantly choosing the lesser of two
evils is still choosing evil. – Jerry Garcia
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places.
He told me to quit going to those places.

– Henny Youngman

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….  
 A professor stood before his class of twenty senior organic biology students,
about to hand out the final exam.  “I want to say that it’s been a pleasure
teaching you this semester. I know you’ve all worked extremely hard and many
 of you are off to medical school after summer. So that no one gets their GPA
messed up because they might have been celebrating a bit too much this week,
anyone who would like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a ‘B’ for the test.”
There was much rejoicing in the class as students got up, walked to the front
of the class, and took the professor up on his offer. As the last taker left the room,
the professor looked out over the handful of remaining students and asked,
“Anyone else? This is your last chance.” One final student rose up and opted out
of the final.  The professor closed the door and took attendance of those
students remaining. “I’m glad to see you believe in yourselves,” he said. “You all get ‘A’s!”😁
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? 
“I have, and if you had the sense of a billy goat, you’d clean your house up ‘stead of bummin’ ’round ours.”
Answer:  The Outsiders

Ponyboy Curtis tells this to his buddy Keith ‘Two-Bit’ Mathews in reply to Two-Bit’s previous statement, “Shoot, this house ain’t dirty. You ought to see my house.” The Greasers (the tough poor kids) and the Socs (the angry rich kids) are from two different sides of town. Ponyboy (Howell) and Johnny Cade (Macchio) are in the wrong place at the wrong time, when a group of Socs spot them alone in the park. Johnny kills Bob (the leader) in self defense, but the boys are afraid of going to jail and getting split up. With help from their friend Dally, (Dillon) the boys hide out in an abandoned church. When the church catches on fire and small children are inside, the two boys show us what being true heros means.
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
Mr. Ryan: “It seems to me the only thing you’ve learned is that Caesar is ‘a salad dressing dude’.”

Monday’s Quizzler is….​
Take away my first letter and I am a store.

Take away the second and people who look at me adore.
Put all my letters back and read me in reverse if you are able.
I am now cars suspended from an overhead cable.
Take a letter away and I become male sheep.

Did you get it, or did the letters you try to keep?

Answer: Smart!
In order: mart, art, trams, rams 
 
 
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
After recent events, Question Mark is annoyed with his brother, Skid Mark. Skid thought it would be funny to hide Question’s wallet. He told Question that he would get it back if he finds it. So, first off, Skid laid five colored keys in a row. One of them is a key to a room where Skid is hiding Question’s wallet. Using the clues, can you determine the order of the keys and which is the right key?

Red: This key is somewhere to the left of the key to the door.
Blue: This key is not at one of the ends.
Green: This key is three spaces away from the key to the door (2 between).
Yellow: This key is next to the key to the door.

Orange: This key is in the middle.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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CHECK OUT MY BOOK online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. http://www.amazon.com

 

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