1. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings especially

    if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.

2. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a

    passing St Patrick’s Day parade at any time of the year.

3. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involved

    martial arts – your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one

    by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their

    predecessor.

4. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

5. It’s easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the

    control tower to talk you down.

6. Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.

7. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will

    ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of

    the building without difficulty.

8. All single women have a cat.

9. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be

    necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

“If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play at it,

it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.” – Bob Hope

“There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing

 on the shore like an idiot.” – Steven Wright

“Experts say this global warming is serious, and they are

predicting now that by the year 2050, we will be out of party

ice.” –David Letterman

“In New Jersey hunters will soon be able to hunt bear.

Hunting of bears is being made legal. A word to New Jersey residents

– running over a bear in your Camaro is not hunting.”–Craig Kilborn

“I have to talk to my girlfriend every day on the phone. My husband says,

‘Why do you have to talk to her again today? You just talked to her

yesterday. What could you possibly have to tell her?’ ‘Well, for one

thing, I have to tell her you just said that.'” –Rita Rudner

This is one of the first things Ren (Bacon) says to Willard (Penn) after Willard calls him out on bumping into him in the hallway, on Ren’s first day at school. After becoming friends, Ren, Willard and Ariel (Singer) try to change their town’s strict laws on dancing. Ren can not understand why dancing is such a problem until he learns of the fatal accident of Ariel’s older brother, involving alcohol and music.