Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

 

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WELCOME to Friday November 15, 2019
 
Mad Ramblings and Pondering……..  
What’s with the people who put carpeting on the lid of their toilet seat? What are they thinking — “Gosh, if we have a party there may not be enough standing room; I’d better carpet the toilet too.”
Have you ever noticed that the waiter who takes your order is not the one who brings your food anymore? What is THAT about? And which waiter are you tipping, anyway? I think next time I go to a restaurant I’ll just say, “Oh, sorry, I only eat the food. The guy who pays the bill will be along shortly.”
Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, “No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs?” Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person?
Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? “Sweetheart, let’s make up. Have this deceased squirrel.”
Can’t we just get rid of wine lists? Do we really have to be reminded every time we go out to a nice restaurant that we have no idea what we are doing? Why don’t they just give us a trigonometry quiz with the menu?
Why do they call it a “building”? It looks like they’re finished. Why isn’t it a “built”?
Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone companies, and when you turn on the radio you hear ads for TV shows, and when you get put on hold on the phone you hear a radio station?
Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall?
How come you have to pay someone to rotate your tires? Isn’t that the basic idea behind the wheel? Don’t they rotate on their own?
All the king’s HORSES and all the king’s men? Are you kidding me? No wonder they couldn’t put Humpty together again. Just what did those idiots expect the horses to do, anyway?
Did you ever notice, when you are sitting at a red light, that when the person in front of you pulls up a couple of inches, you are compelled to move up too? Do we really think we are making progress toward our destination?  “Whew, I thought we would be late, but now that I am nine inches closer, I can stop for coffee and a danish!”
Isn’t it weird that we drink milk, stuff designed to nourish baby cows? How did THAT happen? Did some cattleman once say, “Oh, man, I can’t wait till them calves are done so I can get ME a hit of that stuff.”  (Think about it)😱
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
Quotes of the Day
“Don’t worry about tomorrow. After all, today is the
tomorrow you worried about yesterday.”

“Start by doing what’s necessary, then do what’s possible,
and suddenly you are doing the impossible.”
-Francis of Assisi
Scene: A conversation between two of my friends.
Friend #1: Are you visiting us tomorrow? Do you need directions?
Friend #2: I’m all set. I have the address, a GPS, and a GPS override.
Friend #1: What’s a GPS override?

Friend #2: My wife.

 
 
 
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….  
A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix.
The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman
kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be
a second surgery the doctors hadn’t told him about, he finally got enough energy
to pull his hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was making him
so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of
adhesive tape, the kind that doesn’t come off easily. Written in large black letters
was the sentence. “Get well quick….. from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week.” 😱😁
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? 
“Death by stereo!”
Answer:  The Lost Boys!

Mike (Patric) and his younger brother Sam (Haim) are forced to move with their mother to their Grandpa’s home in California. Mike is drawn into a biker gang by a young woman, while Sam befriends two kids claiming to be vampire hunters. That turns out to be a good thing, because the boys soon find out vampires are real when Mike starts exhibiting very strange behaviors. They must find and kill the head vampire to turn Mike back into a mortal. “Sleep all day. Party all night. Never grow old. Never die. It’s fun to be a vampire.”
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Do I look like I need a psychological evaluation?”

 
Thursday’s Quizzler is….​
Eating white is what I mostly do

If quick enough, a fruit and some things blue
When you see pink, sky blue, orange, or red
It would be wise to turn my yellow head
In a dark room with blue walls
I run from the ghosts that roam the halls
What am I?

Answer:  Pacman (Braingle version)

Pacman usually eats the white dots. When a fruit pops up, he may get it or it disappears.
When Pacman eats the bigger white dots, the ghosts turn blue and he is able to eat them.
The colors of the ghosts are pink, sky blue, orange and red. When you are coming close to
one, you should turn the other way. The background is black and the maze walls are blue.
 
 
 
Friday’s Quizzler is…….
Handel has been killed and Beethoven is on the case. He has interviewed the four suspects and their statements are shown below. Each suspect has said two sentences. One sentence of each suspect is a lie and one sentence is the truth. Help Beethoven figure out who the killer is.

Joplin: I did not kill Handel. Either Grieg is the killer or none of us is.
Grieg: I did not kill Handel. Gershwin is the killer.
Strauss: I did not kill Handel. Grieg is lying when he says Gershwin is the killer.
Gershwin: I did not kill Handel. If Joplin did not kill him, then Grieg did.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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