Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Monday November 18, 2019
 
Steven Wright Pondering’s……
Anywhere is walking distance, if you’ve got the time.
There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology… the study of milkmen.
Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang, ‘Happy Birthday’
If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
I bought a dog the other day…I named him Stay. It’s fun to call him…’Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!’ He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing. He’s an East German Shepherd.
Ever notice how it’s a penny for your thoughts, yet you put in your two-cents? Someone is making a penny on the deal!
My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas…I told my roommate and he said ‘Do I know you?’
You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent? That’s why I never take baths.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do,
don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
Quotes of the Day
“One doesn’t have a sense of
humor. It has you.” – Larry Gelbart

“Courage is fear holding on
a minute longer.” – George S. Patton

“Life is what happens to you while

you’re busy making other plans.” – John Lennon
 
 
 
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….  
An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, ‘You’re in charge of sweeping.’ To the Scotsman he says, ‘You’re in charge of shoveling.’ And to the Chinese guy, ‘You’re in charge of supplies.’ He then says, ‘Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile.’ So the foreman goes away for a couple hours and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched. He asks the Italian, ‘Why didn’t you sweep any of it?’ The Italian replies, ‘I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinese a fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere.’ Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, ‘And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile.’ The Scotsman replies, ‘Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th’ Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldnayfin’ him either.’  The foreman is really angry now and storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy …Just then, the Chinese guy leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells… ‘SUPPLIES!!’ 😳😱😁  
 
 
 
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? 
“Do I look like I need a psychological evaluation?”
Answer:  Under Siege!

In this scene an angry Commander Krill, dressed as a drag queen (Gary Busey), shouts line one and terrorist William Strannix (Tommy Lee Jones), calmly replies with line two. Krill has just read his personnel evaluation, retrieved from the safe of Captain Adams (Patrick O’Neal) after the Captain has been killed. In the events leading up to this scene, the battleship USS Missouri is to be decommissioned and the ship’s crew is about to celebrate the birthday of Captain Adams. They’ve hired a band led by Strannix to be brought aboard, along with former Playboy playmate Jordan Tate (Erika Eleniak), who is to jump out of a cake and dance. However, Strannix is really a terrorist who plans to take over the ship and then sell the Tomahawk missiles on board. In the 1993 Academy Awards “Under Siege” was nominated for two awards but didn’t win either. The real USS Missouri has been refurbished and is on permanent public display in Pearl Harbor, Hawaii next to the USS Arizona memorial.
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Name a shrub after me. Something prickly and hard to eradicate.”
“A shrub? Nonsense. I’ll name a great tortoise after you.”

 
Friday’s Quizzler is….​
Handel has been killed and Beethoven is on the case. He has interviewed the four suspects and their statements are shown below. Each suspect has said two sentences. One sentence of each suspect is a lie and one sentence is the truth. Help Beethoven figure out who the killer is.

Joplin: I did not kill Handel. Either Grieg is the killer or none of us is.
Grieg: I did not kill Handel. Gershwin is the killer.
Strauss: I did not kill Handel. Grieg is lying when he says Gershwin is the killer.
Gershwin: I did not kill Handel. If Joplin did not kill him, then Grieg did.
Answer:  Strauss is the one who killed Handel.
You need to take turns assuming someone is the killer; that means everyone’s second sentence is a lie. If Joplin was the killer, Grieg’s lie mixed with Strauss’ counteracts the other. If Grieg was the killer, Gershwin would need to be a killer too. If Gershwin was the killer, Grieg and Strauss counter each other again, but with Strauss, everything would fit. 
 
 
 
 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is…….
In each group below, I have listed four (4) unrelated words. Your job is to try and find a word that can either precede or follow each word in each group.

Example:
1. picture, inner, top, test
Answer: picture TUBE, inner TUBE, TUBE top, test TUBE.
1. ankle, puppet, wind, away
2. draft, hall, belly, root
3. alphabet, bowl, spoon, kitchen
4. upright, wire, grand, tuner
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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