Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

 

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WELCOME to Tuesday November 19, 2019
 
Signs You’re Really Broke……..
1. American Express calls & says: “Leave home without it!”
2. Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a fine restaurant.
3. You’re formulating a plan to rob the food bank.
4. You’ve rolled so many pennies, you’ve formed a psychic bond with Abe.
5. Long distance companies no longer call you to switch.
6. Your credit card companies raised the rates from 6.9% to 24.9%.
7. You see your roommate as a large fried chicken in tennis shoes.
8. You receive care packages.
9. Your bologna has no first name.
10 You rob Peter…and then rob Paul.
11. You finally clean your house, hoping to find change.
12. You think of a lottery ticket as an investment.
13. You give blood everyday – for the orange juice.
14. McDonalds supplies you with all your kitchen condiments.
15. Consumer Credit Counseling services said, “No.”
16. The neighborhood dog stopped sniffing at your pockets.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a Happy Tuesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!  
Quotes of the Day
The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain
the respect she needs to function, a mother must have her children believe she has never
engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a
moment’s anxiety, and was never a child.

“My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t
need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.” – Henny Youngman

“I have only one superstition. I touch all the bases when I hit a home run.” – Babe Ruth
“The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.” – Albert Einstein
My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own parenthood, but it didn’t because parenting can be learned only by people who have no children.
My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ! 😁
 
 
 
 
 
 
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….  
At the supermarket, I noticed a woman with four boys and a baby. Her patience was wearing thin as the boys called out, “Mommy! Mommy!” while she tried to shop. Finally, she blurted out, “I don’t want to hear the word mommy for at least ten minutes!” The boys fell silent for a few seconds. Then one tugged on his mother’s dress and said softly, “Excuse me, miss.”  😁
 
 
 
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? 
“Name a shrub after me. Something prickly and hard to eradicate.”
“A shrub? Nonsense. I’ll name a great tortoise after you.”

Answer:  Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World!

In this scene Capt. Jack Aubrey (Russell Crowe) and Dr. Stephen Maturin (Paul Bettany), surgeon aboard the British warship HMS Surprise during the Napoleonic Wars, are discussing Dr. Maturin’s plan to explore the Galapagos Islands. The doctor hopes to discover some unknown plants or animals and name something after his friend. Capt. Aubrey says line one and Dr. Maturin replies with line two. In the 2004 Academy Awards “Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World” won two Oscars and was nominated in eight other categories, including Best Picture (but lost to “The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King”). The screenplay for this movie is based on two novels: “Master and Commander” and “The Far Side of the World.” Both are by Patrick O’Brian.
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“I see dead people.”  “In your dreams?”
 
Monday’s Quizzler is….​
In each group below, I have listed four (4) unrelated words. Your job is to try and find a word that can either precede or follow each word in each group.

Example: 1. picture, inner, top, test   Answer: picture TUBE, inner TUBE, TUBE top, test TUBE.
1. ankle, puppet, wind, away
2. draft, hall, belly, root
3. alphabet, bowl, spoon, kitchen

4. upright, wire, grand, tuner

Answer:   1. ankle SOCK, SOCK puppet, wind SOCK, SOCK away

2. draft BEER, BEER hall, BEER belly, root BEER
3. alphabet SOUP, SOUP bowl, SOUP spoon, SOUP kitchen
4. upright PIANO, PIANO wire, grand PIANO, PIANO tuner
 
 
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
Aargon the evil aardvark has five ant captives locked up in cages. He decides to eat them in a certain order and they are all to be cooked in different ways with a different herb or spice. Can you determine this evil aardvark’s intentions?

Ant-acid is not to be eaten first or last.
Cumin is to be used with the ant to be eaten in 4th place, but is not to be used with the ant to be grilled.
Ant-O’Knee is to be grilled or steamed but not with ginger.
Ant-ique is to be eaten 2 places ahead of the ant to be cooked with garlic.
The ant to be eaten raw is to be eaten after Ant-ique, but before Ant-acid.
Ant-enna is not to be eaten fried or raw and is not to be eaten in 4th place.
Mint is to be eaten directly before the coriander.
The ant to be eaten in 3rd position is to be baked, but not with coriander or ginger.
Positions: 1st to 5th.
Ants: Ant-O’Knee, Ant-acid, Ant-elope, Ant-enna & Ant-ique.
Cooking Method: Fried, Baked, Raw, Steamed & Grilled.
Spice/Herb: Garlic, Cumin, Coriander, Ginger & Mint.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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