Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

 

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WELCOME to Tuesday November 26, 2019
 
Random Definitions…. 
1. Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions.
2. Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
3. Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.
4. Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.
5. Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
6. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
7. Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
8. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
9. Criminal : A guy no different from the rest….except that he got caught.
10. Dictionary : A place where success comes before work.
11. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
12. Divorce : Future tense of marriage.
13. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
14. Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
15. Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.

16. Father: A banker provided by nature.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a Happy Tuesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!  
Quotes of the Day
Were it offered to my choice, I should have no objection to a repetition of the same life
from its beginning, only asking the advantages authors have in a second edition
to correct some faults in the first.

————————————————————————————-
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting
what one wants, and the other is getting it.
————————————————————————————-
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to
serve as a warning to others.😁
————————————————————————————-
Everything has been figured out,
except how to live.
————————————————————————————-
An autobiography is the story of
how a man thinks he lived.
————————————————————————————-

When I have a kid, I wanna put him in one of those

strollers for twins, then run around the mall looking frantic. 😱😁😎
————————————————————————————-
 
 
 
 
 
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….  (For Felippe Cade)
A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day. She wasn’t unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around furtively, then speak to them.  Generally the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money and something she carried in her bag. The couple assumed she was selling drugs, and debated calling the cops, but since they didn’t know for sure they just continued to watch her.

After a couple of weeks the wife said, “Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?”  He hadn’t and said so. Then she said, “Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she’s really doing.”  Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road.  “Well, Is she selling drugs?” she asked excitedly.   “No, she’s not,” he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.  “Well, What is it, then? What does she do?” his wife fairly shrieked.  The man grinned and said, “She’s a battery salesperson.”  Batteries?” cried the wife. “Yes,” he replied. She sells C cells by the sea shore. 😳😱😁

 
 
 
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? 
“Come on, Norman, they’re openin’ up the bar.”

“We’ve just got to get organized. We’ve got to get organized!
Answer: The Russians Are Coming, the Russians Are Coming!

When this movie was released in 1966, the Cold War was very much a concern and the scenario depicted was both funny and serious. In the events leading up to this scene, Walt Whittaker (Carl Reiner) and his family are vacationing in a rented house on Gloucester Island, off the coast of New England. A Russian submarine captain, trying to get a glimpse of America through the sub’s periscope, gets too close to land and runs aground. A small party of Russian sailors headed by Lieutenant Rozanov (Alan Arkin) then head to land to try and commandeer a motorboat to pull the sub free. Local residents converge on the town center, after hearing various versions of how the Russians have invaded their island (the scenes just before this are a textbook example of how rumors get started). In this scene a local resident says line one (in a great New England accent). Frustrated Deputy Sheriff Norman Jones (Jonathan Winters) mutters line two. In the 1967 Academy Awards, “The Russians Are Coming, the Russians Are Coming” was nominated in four categories, including Best Picture (but lost to “A Man for All Seasons”).
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“What chance do you think you’d have of staying alive back there?”
“Well, I’m not so easy to kill.”
 
 
 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is….​
Four legs have I, a sturdy fellow

A fuzzy back that isn’t yellow
But (often) green or (rarely) red
A den is where I make my bed
My keepers feed me colored balls
With sticks they store on my den walls
Sometimes I store them in my pouch
Sometimes deep in my belly; ouch!
That’s when you’ll see me acting strange
Instead of balls, I’ll eat your change
And that’s my cue to feed again

Chalk it up to hunger, friend!

Answer:  A billiard (pool) table.

They have four sturdy legs and a green, fuzzy playing surface (snooker tables are sometimes red). Privately owned tables are often kept in the den (family room), and the cues are usually stored in a wall rack. Private tables simply have pouches beneath the pockets to catch the balls; coin-operated tables store the balls inside the table. To play again, you need to insert more coins.   Note the use of “cue” and “chalk”; two essential billiard elements!
 
 
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
In each sentence the name of a tree is hidden. The willow is hiding in the first sentence. Can you find the others?

1. I will owe you a favor if you drive me to the airport.
2. I am afraid of going up in elevators.
3. Drinking cocoa keeps me warm on long winter nights.
4. I hope the map leads us to buried treasure.
5. “Eat another bonbon,” said our charming hostess.
6. Nepal may be the most interesting place I have ever visited.
7. Remember to fold the map, please.
8. I feel many lumps in this mattress.

9. Word processing is not as useful as pens and paper for creative brainstorming.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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