Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Wednesday November 27, 2019
Gifts For Him written by Ima Woman……
 
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a
small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it.
Men love saying those two words. “Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?” “OK. By-the-
way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?” No one knows why.
When in doubt – buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have
a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too manycordless drills. Again, no one knows why.
Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn’t have invented Jockey shorts.
You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner.
Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.
Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will sit in a cupboard
for 23 years. Real men drink whiskey or beer.
Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant. I’m
 told they do not stink – they are earthy.
Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there
 will be labels absolutely everywhere. “Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink.”
You get the idea. No one knows why.
Never buy a man anything that says “some assembly required” on the box. It will ruin his
 Special Day and he will always have parts left over.
Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot,
John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sears’ Clearance Centers are also excellent men’s stores. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t know what it is. “
From NAPA Auto,eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn’t this a starter for a ’68 Ford
Fairlane? Wow! Thanks.”
Men enjoy danger. That’s why they never cook – but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. “Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?”
Tickets to a Raiders game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to
“A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts.” Everyone knows why.
Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you don’t know
why – please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label maker.
It’s hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.
Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts.
Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8″ manilla rope. No one knows why.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
Quotes of the Day
“Listen to this. The New York Times is now reporting it’s possible to catch the flu from money. They say the virus can live on a $20 bill for more than 10 days. So, not only
is the virus contagious, it’s also very frugal.” –Jay Leno
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“Here’s good news: For the first time in 30 years, American children have improved their reading scores. Now they can read English almost as well as Chinese children.”
-Jimmy Fallon
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“Spring Break is this week. It gives the college kids a switch from binge drinking on campus. Now they can binge drink on the beach.” -David Letterman
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“A 75-year-old great grandmother in Poland was arrested for riding her bicycle drunk. Did I say great grandmother? I meant the greatest grandmother.” – Jimmy Fallon
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“I don’t deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don’t deserve that either.”
– Jack Benny
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“If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.” – Dean Martin

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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
Judge Jeffries was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce,
and asks, ‘What exactly are the grounds for your divorce?’

Amy replied, ‘Approximately four acres and a nice little home in the middle
of the property with a stream running by.’
‘No,’ Judge Jeffries continued, ‘I mean what is the foundation of this case?’
‘It is made of concrete, brick and mortar,’ responded Amy promptly.
‘I mean,’ he sighed, ‘What are your relations like?’

‘Ah well, I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband’s parents.’

Judge Jeffries asked, ‘Do you have a real grudge?’

‘No, we haven’t,’ Amy replied, ‘We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.’
‘Please,’ Judge Jeffries took a deep breath and tried again, ‘is there any infidelity in your marriage?’
‘Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music,
but the answer to your questions is yes,’ smiled Amy.
‘Ma’am,’ Judge Jeffries raised his voice, ‘does your husband ever beat you up?’
‘Oh yes,’ Amy responded, ‘about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.’
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, ‘Lady, why do you want a divorce?’

‘Oh, I don’t want a divorce,’ Amy replied. ‘I’ve never wanted a divorce.

My husband does. He said he can’t communicate with me.’😱😳👀😁😎
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ” 
“What chance do you think you’d have of staying alive back there?”
“Well, I’m not so easy to kill.”
Answer:  The Guns of Navarone

In the events leading up to this scene, set in World War II, the British have concluded that two big radar-controlled German guns, protecting the Aegean Sea lanes near the Greek town of Navarone, cannot be destroyed by sea or air attack. A task force of six men, each with special skills, is assembled to scale the steep cliff and destroy the guns in a land assault. In this scene, after the surviving members of the force are about to escape in a motorboat after destroying the guns, widowed Col. Andrea Stavros (Anthony Quinn) has decided to return to Navarone with Greek resistance fighter Maria Pappadimos (Irene Papas). Group leader Capt. Keith Mallory (Gregory Peck) says line one and Col. Stavros replies with line two. In the 1962 Academy Awards, “The Guns of Navarone” was nominated in seven categories, including Best Picture (but lost to “West Side Story”). It did win one Oscar. Although this movie seems realistic, this is a work of fiction. There was no such mission, because there never were any guns of Navarone.
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“We come far, you and me.”
“I will not forget you.”
Tuesday’s Quizzler is….​ 
In each sentence the name of a tree is hidden. The willow is hiding in the first sentence. Can you find the others?
1. I will owe you a favor if you drive me to the airport.
2. I am afraid of going up in elevators.
3. Drinking cocoa keeps me warm on long winter nights.
4. I hope the map leads us to buried treasure.
5. “Eat another bonbon,” said our charming hostess.
6. Nepal may be the most interesting place I have ever visited.
7. Remember to fold the map, please.
8. I feel many lumps in this mattress.
9. Word processing is not as useful as pens and paper for creative brainstorming.

Answer:   1. Willow  2. Pine  3. Oak  4. Maple  5. Bonsai  6. Palm  7. Apple  8. Elm  9. Aspen

Wednesday’s Quizzler is…….
In a sylasearch I give you a syllable-starter, which is the first syllable in the words you are to find. I will also give you a listing of the other syllables

(in which each may only be used once) which you must use to figure out the 9 words.
Syllable List – a, a, a, al, don, en, graph, ic, ka, keet, lel, ly, med, ses, the, tial, ty
Syllable-starter: par
How many syllables, each word has:
1. (2)
2. (2)
3. (2)
4. (3)
5. (3)
6. (3)
7. (3)
8. (4)
9. (4)
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in NEXT MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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