Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Monday December 2, 2019
In Order Of Stupidity… In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods…..
On a Sears hairdryer — Do not use while sleeping. (Darn, and that’s the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos — You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap — “Directions: Use like regular soap.” (and that would be how???…..)
On some Swanson frozen dinners — “Serving suggestion: Defrost.” (but, it’s “just” a suggestion).
On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) — “Do not turn upside down.” (well…duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding – “Product will be hot after heating.” (…and you thought????….)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron — “Do not iron clothes on body.” (but wouldn’t this save me more time)?
On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine — “Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.”
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid — “Warning: May cause drowsiness…” (and…I’m taking this because???….)
On most brands of Christmas lights — “For indoor or outdoor use only.” (as opposed to…what)?
On a Japanese food processor — “Not to be used for the other use.” (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I’m a bit curious.)
On Sainsbury’s peanuts — “Warning: contains nuts.” (talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts — “Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do,
don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
Quotes of the Day
“Toyota has found significant inconsistencies in the story of the runaway Prius.
That’s really something, when a car dealer accuses you of lying.” – Jay Leno

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“Mike Tyson is going to star in a new show on Animal Planet about the sport of pigeon racing. So at least we’ve finally answered the question, ‘What planet is Mike Tyson on?'”
– Jimmy Fallon
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“Either this man is dead or my watch

has stopped.” – Groucho Marx
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“Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the
pain of stupidity.” –Frank Leahy 😁
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“What the world needs is more geniuses with humility,
there are so few of us left.” –Oscar Levant
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“It is only possible to live happily ever after on a

day-to-day basis.” –Margaret Bonnano
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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
On a spring break trip to Italy, my friends and I were standing just inside St. Peter’s Basilica, the second largest church in the world. The tour guide explained, “This church is so large that no man on earth could hit a baseball from one end to the other, not Lou Gehrig, Babe Ruth, or even Mark McGuire.”  My group stared in silence at the beautiful marble sculptures, intricate paintings, and glorious mosaics all around the enormous building. Then one girl interrupted the silence with an astonished question: “You mean, they actually let them hit baseballs in here?” 😐😁
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ” 
“We come far, you and me.”
“I will not forget you.”
Answer:  Dances with Wolves!

In the events leading up to this scene U.S. Civil War veteran Lt. John Dunbar (Kevin Costner) is stationed at a remote western U.S. Army outpost and makes friends with some local Sioux Indians. They bestow on him the Indian name of Dances with Wolves, for his relationship with a local wild wolf. He ultimately realizes he must leave the Indian camp for the safety of the others. As he prepares to leave camp, he says goodbye to his good friend Kicking Bird (Graham Greene), who says line one to him. Dances with Wolves replies to him with line two. In the 1991 Academy Awards “Dances with Wolves” won seven Oscars, including Best Picture and Kevin Costner for Best Director. John Barry won the Oscar for Best Music, Original Score. This wonderful soundtrack is one of my all-time favorites. Kevin Costner, Graham Greene and Mary McDonnell were also nominated for acting awards but did not win. When Stands With A Fist (Mary McDonnell) is remembering how she was captured by the Pawnee Indian party who killed her family, she was played, as the young girl Christine, by Kevin Costner’s daughter Annie (who was six years old at the time).
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“The Bolsheviks trust you?”
“They trust no one. They found me useful.”
Wednesday’s Quizzler is….​
 In a sylasearch I give you a syllable-starter, which is the first syllable in the words you are to find. I will also give you a listing of the other syllables

(in which each may only be used once) which you must use to figure out the 9 words.
Syllable List – a, a, a, al, don, en, graph, ic, ka, keet, lel, ly, med, ses, the, tial, ty
Syllable-starter: par
How many syllables, each word has:
1. (2)
2. (2)
3. (2)
4. (3)
5. (3)
6. (3)
7. (3)
8. (4)
9. (4)

Answer:  1. Parka (par ka)

2. Pardon (par don)
3. Party (par ty)
4. Paragraph (par a graph)
5. Parallel (par al lel)
6. Parakeet (par a keet)
7. Partially (par tial ly)
8. Parentheses (par en the ses)

9. Paramedic (par a med ic)

Monday’s Quizzler is…….
Inside each set of the following words, there is a pair of smaller words. By putting &
between them, lo & behold, you’ll make a familiar phrase. For example,
“Thighbone/Swallowtail” conceals “High & Low.”

1. Firecracker/Misconstruing
2. Blockbuster/Doohickey
3. Shunting/Bespeckled
4. Proliferation/Climbable
5. Heartstrings/Consciences

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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