WELCOME to Thursday December 5, 2019
HOW TO TELL WHEN FOOD GOES BAD….
ICE CREAM – If you can’t tell the difference between your ice cubes and your
ice cream, it’s time to throw BOTH out.
FROZEN FOODS – Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting
problem in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled (or wrecked anyway) by the time
you pry them out with a kitchen knife.
EGGS – When something starts pecking its way out of the shell,
the egg is probably past its prime.
DAIRY PRODUCTS – Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled
when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to
look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway – if you can
dig down and still find something non-green, bon appetit!
MEAT – If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a three-block
radius to congregate outside your house, toss the meat.
UNMARKED ITEMS: You know it is well beyond prime when you’re tempted
to discard the Tupperware along with the food.
CANNED GOODS – Any canned goods that have become the size or shape
of a softball should be disposed of very carefully.
POTATOES – Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or dense, leafy undergrowth.
BREAD: Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable “spots”
that should be seen on the surface of any loaf of bread. Fuzzy and hairy looking white or green growth areas are good indications that your bread has turned into a pharmaceutical laboratory experiment. You may wish to discard it at this time, depending on your interest in pharmaceuticals.
CEREAL: It is generally a good rule of thumb that cereal should be discarded when it is
two years or longer beyond the expiration date, or when it will no longer fall out of the box by itself.
FLOUR: Flour is spoiled when it wiggles, or things fly out when you open it.
PRETZELS: Normally eternal, pretzels may be discarded if they can no longer be picked up without falling apart. Otherwise, there’s nothing to stop you from eating a pretzel that the Pharaoh put down only 4000 years ago.
RAISINS: Raisins should not usually be harder than your teeth.
SALT: It never spoils. However, if you can’t chip off reasonable amounts from the block,
maybe another box is in order, as fresh salt usually pours.
SPICES: Most spices cannot die, they just fade away. They will be fine on your shelf,
forever. Put them in your will.
VINEGAR: If your grandmother made it, it is probably still good.
THE GAG TEST – Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from
what you cooked for yourself last night).
EXPIRATION DATES: This is not a marketing ploy to encourage you to throw away perfectly good food so that you’ll spend more on groceries. Even dry foods older than you are may be ready to replace. Perhaps you’d benefit by having a calendar in your kitchen.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
Quotes of the Day
“The trouble with practical jokes is that very
often they get elected.” – Will Rogers
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“A common mistake that people make when trying to
design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the
ingenuity of complete fools.” – Douglas Adams
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“It is better to weep with wise men
than to laugh with fools.” – Spanish Proverb
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“I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English
language. Could it be that “I do” is the longest sentence?
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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
Maury ran a small commercial real estate company. One day, back in the eighties,
he sold his interest in one of his projects for 3 million dollars. The only problem was
that the guy who bought him out was a big shot in his very small hometown in Pennsylvania, and he wanted Maury to use the local bank branch. So Maury goes in to the bank and tells the teller he’d like to open a few accounts. The teller goes through the list of gifts you can get for your initial deposit. $300 gets you a toaster, $600 for a television, etc. The teller then asks him how much he would like to deposit. Without saying a word, Maury hands her the cashier’s check.
The teller turns bright red, and runs to get her manager. The manager escorts him into her office, where they sit down. “Sir, welcome to our town. We’re thrilled to have you as a customer. What can I get you?” To which Maury replied, “I’ll take 10,000 toasters.” 😱
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ”
“We named the dog Indiana.”
Answer: Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Our favorite archaeologist and his father team up to try and find the Holy Grail before the Nazis can get their hands on it. This line comes at the very end of the movie when Sallah asks Henry why he’s always calling Indiana ‘Junior’. Henry answers that Indie’s name is really Henry Jones, Junior.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“What exactly does this stuff do?”
“If the rocket renders it aerosol, it could take out an entire city of people.”
“If the rocket renders it aerosol, it could take out an entire city of people.”
TODAY’S MOVIE DIVA OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS KIM HILLYARD FOR SUPER SOLVING👍👍👍😁😎
Wednesday’s Quizzler is….
As the school year was progressing, a teacher was distressed that more and more of her students were beginning to tease and make fun of one another. She decided to do something about it. When they returned to the classroom after Spring Break, they saw a mirror on the wall with a sign next to it.When one of the students came to her crying about the names she had been called at recess, she sent the girl to the mirror with these directions: Read that sign quietly to yourself. Repeat it over and over, gradually running the sounds together. Each time, look at yourself in the mirror. Soon you will be smiling.
Sure enough, when the student followed these directions, she came away smiling.
Each time a student would come to the teacher feeling low, she would give them the same directions. Sometimes they would have difficulty, so she would go over to read the sign with them. Eventually, each one would come away smiling.
This is what the sign said: I.Y.Q.Y.Q.R.
Why did this little exercise help her students feel better about themselves?
Answer:
When the students read the letters out loud, running them together, and looking in the mirror, they realized that they were telling themselves, “I like you like you are!” It may not be perfect grammar, but the teacher reached her goal of building self-esteem in her students who had a low opinion of themselves because of teasing.
Thursday’s Quizzler is…….
There are seven parts to this riddle,
Each is part of a greater whole.
You see most of these,
Everyday as you please:
First is what I did to a book yesterday,
Second mixes with apples.
Third is a shout, then “ouch” you say,
Fourth shares the sound of mean.
Fifth is what the wind had done,
The sixth is often skipped.
The last and final can be called by two names,
If roses are this, then which is the blue one?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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