BECAUSE THE DOCTOR SAID…..
Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it… Don’t waste on exercise. Everything
wear out eventually. Speed up heart not make live longer; that like say you can extend
life of car by driving faster. Want live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. What are these? Vegetables. So, steak nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop give 100% recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine. That means they take water out of fruity bit; get even more goodness that way. Beer also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: If you have body and you have fat, ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Cannot think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No Pain…GOOD!
Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTEN!!! …. Foods fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetables bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only do sit-ups if want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy? HELLO … Cocoa bean! Vegetable!!! Cocoa bean best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! ‘Round’ is shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. AND…..For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies:
1. The Japanese eat very little fat And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION….. Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you. Hey I’m just saying.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
Quotes of the Day
“You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” – Steven Wright
“There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future
and the recent past.” – George Carlin
“I wanted to be a Boy Scout, but I had all the wrong traits.
They were looking for kids who were trustworthy, loyal,
helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful,
thrifty, brave, clean and reverent. Whereas I tended to
be devious, fickle, obstructive, hostile, impolite, mean,
defiant, glum, extravagant, dirty, and sacrilegious.”
“When I was a kid getting to borrow the car was a big deal. Before
he handed over the keys, my dad always gave me a lecture. ‘Now I’m
not giving you this car so you can screw it up.’ Well, I said to myself,
then I don’t want it.” –Louie Anderson
“You can’t believe how much hard work it is to con people into thinking
that you’re productive when you’re unemployed. Always thinking up things
to tell them you’re going to do tomorrow, having to exaggerate every
minute of your nowhere day…it’s worse than having a job. At least when
you’re employed, when people ask about your day you can tell them
to shut up and mind their own business.” –Drew Carey 👀
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
“Officer,” the man began, “I can explain.” “No explanation needed!” snapped the officer.
“I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.” “But, officer, I have
to tell you something.” The man tried again. “Just keep quiet! You’re going to jail and I’m
not interested in what you have to say!” the officer barked. A few hours later the officer
looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter’s wedding.
He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.” “Don’t count on it,”
answered the fellow in the cell. “I’m the groom.” 😳😱😎
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ”
“What exactly does this stuff do?”
“If the rocket renders it aerosol, it could take out an entire city of people.”
A group of disgruntled soldiers have taken over the impenetrable Alcatraz, and are holding a group of tourists hostage. They’re also threatening to launch a nerve gas attack against San Francisco if their demands aren’t met. As the only man to have ever escaped from Alcatraz, Mason is released from prison long enough to help lead a squad in, undetected. Goodspeed is the somewhat nerdy chemist whose job it is to actually disarm the rockets. This exchange occurs while he is trying to do just that.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Oh how reckless of me. I made you all wet.”
“Yes, but my martini is still dry.
Thursday’s Quizzler is….
There are seven parts to this riddle,
Each is part of a greater whole.
You see most of these,
Everyday as you please:
First is what I did to a book yesterday,
Second mixes with apples.
Third is a shout, then “ouch” you say,
Fourth shares the sound of mean.
Fifth is what the wind had done,
The sixth is often skipped.
The last and final can be called by two names,
If roses are this, then which is the blue one?
Answer: The 7 Colors of the Rainbow
Red: read a book
Orange: apples and oranges
Yellow: Yell and Ow
Green: Rhymes with “Mean”
Blue: The wind “blew”
Indigo is often skipped
Violet: Roses are red, Violets are blue.
Friday’s Quizzler is…….
The following sentences have two blanks that can be filled with two words that are anagrams of each other. Please find those words.
1. Mark’s math __________ was a mild-mannered man. But one thing he would not tolerate was a __________. He would immediately fail anyone caught doing so.
2. The patient __________ his pain through physical therapy. He had seen enough __________ surgeries to know that too many people elected surgery when they shouldn’t have.
3. After a long and successful career of serving his country, the nation was in shock as the highly regarded __________ was arrested and tried for __________.
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