Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Happy Tuesday December 10, 2019
 
NEW DEFINITIONS…
Arbitrator ar’-bi-tray-ter: A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonald’s.
Avoidable uh-voy’-duh-buhl: What a bullfighter tries to do.
Baloney buh-lo’-nee: Where some hemlines fall.
Bernadette burn’-a-det: The act of torching a mortgage.
Burglarize bur’-gler-ize: What a crook sees with.
Control kon-trol’: A short, ugly inmate.
Counterfeiters kown-ter-fit-ers: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
Eclipse i-klips’: what an English barber does for a living.
Eyedropper i’-drop-ur: a clumsy ophthalmologist.
Heroes hee’-rhos: what a guy in a boat does.
Left Bank left’ bangk’: what the robber did when his bag was full of loot.
Misty mis’-tee: How golfers create divots.
Paradox par’-u-doks: two physicians.

Parasites par’-uh-sites: what you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a Happy Tuesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!  
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Quotes of the Day 
Television has raised writing to a new low.

– Samuel Goldwyn
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Dying is easy. Comedy is difficult.
– Edmund Gwenn
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I never said all actors are cattle; what I said was
all actors should be treated like cattle.
– Alfred Hitchcock
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A husband is what is left of the lover after the
nerve has been extracted.
Helen Rowland
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Many a man has fallen in love with a girl in a light
so dim he would not have chosen a suit by it.
Maurice Chevalier
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Gravitation can not be held responsible
for people falling in love.
Albert Einstein
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To be in love is merely to be in a state of perpetual
anesthesia – to mistake an ordinary young woman for a goddess.
H.L. Mencken
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Love is the gross exaggeration of the difference
between one person and everyone else.

George Bernard Shaw

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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
A preacher of the old school was describing the events of Judgement Day and, of course,
he used Biblical phraseology whenever he could.  “Oh, my friends,” he intoned, “imagine
the suffering of the sinners as they find themselves cast into the outer darkness, removed from the presence of the Lord and given to eternal flames. My friends, at such a time there will be weeping, wailing and a great gnashing of teeth!”  At this point, one of the elders of the congregation interrupted to say, “But Reverend, what if one of those hopeless sinners has no teeth?”  The preacher crashed his fist on the pulpit, “My friends, the Lord is not put out by details. Rest assured… teeth will be provided!” 😱
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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ” 
“You wanna know how to do it? Here’s how. They pull a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of your

guys to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. That’s the Chicago way.
Answer:   The Untouchables!

Federal Agent Eliot Ness has vowed to take down Al Capone. In order to do this he must assemble a hand-picked group of men who can’t be bought by Capone’s money. One of his first choices is cop Jim Malone, who offers Ness this advice on how to achieve his goal. Sean Connery finally won an Academy Award for his performance as the street-wise Malone. Kevin Costner, Charles Martin Smith, Andy Garcia and Robert de Niro also starred under Brian de Palma’s direction.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
 “Eat her!”
“Oh please, yuck!”
“Aren’t we squeamish? You ate Sir Egglemore, hypocrite!”

“I merely chewed in self-defense, but I never swallowed.”

 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is….​
I have 7 letters.

1-2-3-4-5-6-7
Letters 1-2-6-3-5-4-7 mean the compactness of something.
Letters 7-2-4-5 mean a legendary large, hairy creature that is said to inhabit the Himalayas.
Letters 7-2-3 mean something that is said to show approval, which you wouldn’t be saying if you were trying to 1-2-6-7 something.
Letters 4-5-2-1 mean that everything is equal.

The whole word means a predetermined course of events.

Answer:   DESTINY

DENSITY
YETI (also known as Abominable Snowman)
YES and DENY
TIED
Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
The following sentences can be completed by adding two words that are anagrams of one another. Each word has only four letters. Enjoy!

1. If you prick your finger while picking a ____, it may be very ____.
2. If you take a ____ at the Mad Hatter’s party, you still may not get a sip of his ____.
3. If you need some stamps, then you must ____ by the ____ office.
4. If you eat a whole ____ of a wedding cake, you may develop a spare ____ around your middle.
5. If you have a ____ with your friend, you should forgive them and focus on the future, not on the ____.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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CHECK OUT MY BOOK online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. http://www.amazon.com

 

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