Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Thursday December 12, 2019
 
Lexophile Punagraphy….

1. A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.
2. A will is a dead giveaway.
3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backward poet writes inverse.
5. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.
6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
7. If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.
10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blown apart.
13. You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
14. Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.
15. He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
16. A calendar’s days are numbered.
17. A lot of money is tainted: ‘Taint yours, and ‘taint mine.
18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
21. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.
22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
23. When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.
24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!  
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Quotes of the Day 
“New York woman is suing her surgeon claiming he was on his cell phone during her
operation. In response, the doctor said, ‘For your information,
I was Googling how to perform surgery.'” -Conan O’Brien

____________________________________________________________________
“A new study found that running for two minutes is just as good for you as working
 out for 90 minutes. That doesn’t sound like a study it sounds like something a
 chubby guy says after being on the treadmill for two minutes.” -Jimmy Fallon
____________________________________________________________________
“There’s a holiday gift giving trend that’s supposedly on the rise this year called self-gifting,
meaning it’s OK to buy a gift for yourself. But buying a gift and wrapping
it for yourself, that’s just pathetic.” -Jimmy Kimmel

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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes…. (A lesson on pure stupidity reposted!)
My brother Scott brought over a photo album of his camping trip. One picture showed a brown bear helping itself to his food. “What kind of bear is that?” I asked.
“It’s called a Kodiak,” Scott replied.

“Oh, yeah?” my husband Keith shot back. 

“And I suppose those white ones in the Arctic are called Polaroids.” 😱😳😐😎
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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ” 
“She is already burnt flesh Adso. Bernardo Gui has spoken – she is a witch.”

“But that’s not true, and you know it.”

“I know. I also know that anyone who disputes the verdict of an Inquisitor is guilty of heresy.”

Answer:  The Name of the Rose!

Accompanied by his apprentice, William of Baskerville is asked to lend his considerable talents to solving a series of bizarre murders at a monastery, before the Holy Inquisitor arrives to apply his own brand of investigation. This exchange takes place between William and his monk, after the Inquisitor has charged a young local girl with witchcraft. A smitten Adso is asking his master to intervene on her behalf. Sean Connery, Christian Slater, Ron Perlman and F. Murray Abraham starred under Jean-Jacques Annaud’s direction.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“There’s a price on your head.”

“How much?”
“One hundred gold pieces.”

“Is that all?

 
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is….​
It fell from a star,

But not very far.
It seems to fly
Above you and I.
Look further down to see
Cousin Jay below us three.
Jump down further to see an empty space.

Tell me what “it” is, and where is this place?

Answer:  By looking at the standard US-style keyboard, you see the answer is the number 8.

The 8 is below the asterisk, though on the same button.
It is above the letters U & I.
Underneath those is the letter J.
Skip a row down and you see the space bar.
Above the 8 are the F6 and F7 function keys.
To the left is the seven, which has the & symbol.

To the right is the number nine. 

 
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is…….
Oh no!! The charge nurse accidentally shredded the patient assignment list for the nurses at General Hospital.
Use the clues to determine each nurse’s first and last name, their patient’s first name, age, and health condition.

Nurse first names: Molly, James, John, Linda, Rose
Nurse last names: Smith, Ash, Silva, Jacks, Jones
Patient ages: 68, 15, 28, 31, 45
Patient conditions: broken leg, heart attack, coma, pneumonia, cancer.
Patient names: Mark, Emily, Liz, Andrew, Mindy
Emily is 31 years old.
The five nurses are: Miss Ash, the one caring for the coma patient, Rose, the man taking care of the 68 year old patient, and James Silva.
The five patients are: the 45 year old female cardiac patient, the cancer patient, Mindy, the 15 year old coma patient,
and the female pneumonia patient who graduated high school about 12 years ago.
Liz is younger than Mr. Jones’ cancer patient but older than Andrew.
Miss Ash’s patient has pneumonia.

Smith’s patient, Mindy, is younger than the cardiac patient, but older than Molly’s pediatric patient.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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