Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

Road-Signs-5
WELCOME to Monday December 16, 2019
 
Deep Thoughts for today……. 
 
If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and
there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?😎

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself,
is it considered a hostage situation?😳
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice?”
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?”
Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?😱

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do,
don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
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Quotes of the Day 
To be in love is merely to be in a state of perpetual
anesthesia – to mistake an ordinary young woman for a goddess.

H.L. Mencken
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Love is the gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everyone else.
George Bernard Shaw
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The perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post.
George Bernard Shaw
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The only true love is love at first sight; second sight dispels it.
Israel Zangwill
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To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead.

Bertrand Russell

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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
Confucius Says:

Man who stand on toilet high on pot.
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
He who eats too many prunes, sits on potty many moons.
Man who fall in vat of molten glass make spectacle of self.
Honeymoon over when man who whispered sweet nothings before now say nothing sweet.
Man who jumps through screen door likely to strain himself.
Man who drive like hell bound to get there..
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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ” 
“In any place where they fight, a man who knows how to drill men can always be a king. We will go to those parts, and say to any king we find, ‘D’you want to vanquish your foes?’ And we will show him how to drill men, for we know that better than anything else. Then we will subvert the king, and seize his throne, and establish a dynasty.”
 

Answer:  The Man Who Would Be King!

Daniel and Peachy are two ex-British soldiers who find themselves in India, when it was part of the British Empire. Rather than go home after they leave the army, they devise this plan to make money, and set themselves up as royalty. This quote comes from near the beginning of the movie, when they are telling Rudyard Kipling their plan.

Based on a short story by Kipling, he was played in the film by Christopher Plummer. Sean Connery and Michael Caine were absolutely brilliant under John Huston’s direction.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“I must thank the pipe-smoking Colonel Arbuthnot for a remark which finally resolved all my confusions about this, uh…this extraordinary case…”
 
 
Friday’s Quizzler is….​
Five dogs recently competed for best in show in the local kennel club. Each dog belonged to a different AKC group, preferred a different kind of treat, and wore a different color lead. Can you determine each dog’s group, lead color, favorite treat, and the place he or she took in the show?

Note: The Rhodesian Ridgeback is a member of the Hound Group.

1. The dog with the red lead finished before the dog who liked chicken bites, but after the dog that belonged to the herding group (who is not Sadie).

2. The dog that placed third was not Rusty (who is a working dog).

3. The sporting dog placed just ahead of the one with a pink lead, and somewhere behind Charlie (who didn’t like rawhide treats).

4. The hound did not like the beef or liver treats.

5. Rusty did not wear the blue lead.

6. Wags, who hated Scooby snacks, was a Rhodesian Ridgeback, and his handler hated the color green, so she would never let him wear a green lead.

7. Neither Pharaoh nor Sadie liked Scooby snacks or wore green.

8. The herding dog, who hated beef biscuits, had a blue lead for good luck, but did not take first place.

9. The 3rd place dog did not wear a red lead.

10. Pharaoh is not a sporting dog.

11. The five dogs in order of rank, from 1st to 5th, were:
The one who ate Scooby snacks, Charlie, the one who loved beef biscuits, the sporting dog, and the one with the pink lead.

Answer:  Rusty – Working – Green – Scooby Snacks – 1st

Charlie – Herding – Blue – Liver Cubes- 2nd
Pharaoh – Toy – Purple – Beef Biscuits – 3rd
Sadie – Sporting – Red – Rawhide Chews – 4th

Wags – Hound – Pink – Chicken Bites – 5th  

 
 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is…….
While riding in the car I saw a license plate that read like this:

IXMNIZ
What occupation did the man in the car have?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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