WELCOME to Tuesday December 17, 2019
**If it rings, put it on hold;
**If it clanks, call the repairman;
**If it whistles, ignore it;
**If it’s a friend, take a break;
**If it’s the boss, look busy;
**If it talks, take notes;
**If it’s handwritten, type it;
**If it’s typed, copy it;
**If it’s copied, file it;
**If it’s Friday, forget it!
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a Happy Tuesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
Quotes of the Day
“An Irish airline has announced that it will charge $1.50 to
use the toilet on the airplane. A lot of people will
find a whole new use for the airsick bag. ” – Jay Leno
“A man from Thailand spent three extra years in an Indonesian
prison because of a typo. It turns out he
only roped a cow.” – Jimmy Fallon
“People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.” – Bob Hope
“There’s a new technique that lets doctors perform kidney transplants
in 45 minutes. Because when you’re getting a kidney transplant, your
main concern is always, ‘How long is this gonna take?
Can you do it in less than an hour?'”
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
The brilliant lawyer F. E. Smith once defended a bus driver against claims
that his negligence had caused injury to a young man’s arm: “Will you please
show us how high you can lift your arm now?” Smith asked the plaintiff. The
young man obediently raised his arm to shoulder level, his face contorted with
apparent pain. “Thank you,” said Smith. “And now, please, will you show us
how high you could lift it before the accident?” The man’s arm shot above his head. 👀
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ”
“I must thank the pipe-smoking Colonel Arbuthnot for a remark which finally resolved
all my confusions about this, uh…this extraordinary case…”
Answer: Murder on the Orient Express!
When a man is found murdered on the Orient Express, the brilliant Hercule Poirot is called upon to solve the case. He soon finds that the victim was a guilty of kidnapping and murdering a young child, and that virtually everyone in the train car has some kind of connection with the case.
Poirot delivers this line near the end of the movie, just as he is about to deliver his findings to the amassed group.
Sidney Lumet directed this interesting period piece that starred Sean Connery, Albert Finney, Lauren Bacall, Martin Balsalm, Anthony Perkins and Ingrid Berman, to name a few.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“You think I’m licked. You all think I’m licked. Well, I’m not licked. And I’m gonna stay right here and fight for this lost cause, even if this room gets filled with lies like these. And the Taylors and all their armies come marching into this place. Somebody will listen to me. Some…”
Monday’s Quizzler is….
While riding in the car I saw a license plate that read like this:
What occupation did the man in the car have?
Answer: He was an optometrist. The license plate reads like this:
(So it reads I Examine Eyes)
Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
One day, a father went to his three sons and told them that he would die soon and he needed to decide which one of them to give his property to. He decided to give them all a test. He said, “Go to the market my sons, and purchase something that is large enough to fill my bedroom, but small enough to fit in your pocket. From this I will decide which of you is the wisest and worthy enough to inherit my land.” So they all went to the market and bought something that they thought would fill the room, yet was still small enough that they could fit into their pockets. Each son came back with a different item. The father told his sons to come into his bedroom one at a time and try to fill up his bedroom with whatever they had purchased. The first son came in and put some pieces of cloth that he had bought and laid them end to end across the room, but it barely covered any of the floor. Then the second son came in and laid some hay, that he had purchased, on the floor but there was only enough to cover half of the floor. The third son came in and showed his father what he had purchased and how it could fill the entire room yet still fit into his pocket. The father replied, “You are truly the wisest of all and you shall receive my property.” What was it that the son had showed to his father?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!
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