Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Monday December 30, 2019
 
A TEENAGER IS..
  
* A person who can’t remember to walk the dog but never forgets a phone number.

* A weight watcher who goes on a diet by giving up candy bars before breakfast.
* A youngster who receives her allowance on Monday, spends it on Tuesday, and
borrows it from her best friend on Wednesday.
* Someone who can hear his favorite singer 3 blocks away but not
his mother calling from the next room.😳
* A whiz who can operate the latest computer without a lesson but can’t make a bed.😏
* A student who spends 12 minutes studying history and 12 hours studying for her driver’s license.
* A connoisseur of 2 kinds of fine music–loud and very loud.
* An enthusiast who has the energy to bike for miles but is usually too tired to dry the dishes.
* A young woman who loves the cat and tolerates the brother.
* A romantic who never falls in love more than once a week.
* A budding beauty who never smiles until her braces come off.
* A boy who can sleep till noon on any Saturday he suspects the lawn needs mowing.

* An original thinker who is positive that her mother was never a teenager.

 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do,
don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
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Quotes of the Day 
“Well, a new study has found that having a cat makes you 40 percent less likely to die
of a heart attack. Not that the cat could care less either way, really.” –Jay Leno

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“A company is now making a cell phone that allows you to talk to your dog. It enables
you to talk to your dog. The way it works is that first you have to be insane.”
–Dave Letterman
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“In Virginia lawmakers are considering a law banning people from wearing pants that
reveal their underwear in a lewd way. Of course you could get by this law by just not wearing any underwear.” –Craig Ferguson
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“Toyota is recalling 600,000 minivans because the spare tire holder can break and the
spare tire can go flying down the highway. It’s bad enough Toyota cars can run you
 off the road — now the parts are chasing you down the street.” – Jay Leno
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“On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done
just as easily lying down.” – Woody Allen
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“Don’t gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold

it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don’t go up, don’t buy it.” – Will Rogers
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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
A father is in church with three of his young children, including his five year old daughter. 
As was customary, he sat in the very front row so that the children could properly witness the service. During this particular service, the minister was performing the baptism of a tiny infant. The little five year old girl was taken by this, observing that he was saying something and pouring water over the infant’s head. With a quizzical look on her face, the little girl turned to her father and asked with all the innocence of a five year old… “Daddy, why is he brainwashing that baby?” 😱
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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ” 
Can’t, can’t you understand what’s happening here? Don’t you see what’s happening? Potter isn’t selling. Potter’s buying! And why? Because we’re panicky and he’s not. That’s why. He’s pickin’ up some bargains. Now, we-we can get through this thing all right. We’ve, we’ve got to stick together, though. We’ve got to have faith in each other!”
 

Answer:  It’s a Wonderful Life

As a young man, George Bailey planned to see (and conquer) the world, but his father’s death meant he had to stay in Bedford Falls and manage the family business, lest it be taken over by the rich and miserly Mr Potter, which would be disastrous for the “ordinary townsfolk” who needed a sympathetic lending agency in town. The run on the bank that led to the speech in the question is resolved by using the money for his honeymoon to satisfy worried customers, and he never does manage to leave Bedford Falls. Years later, another financial crisis engineered by Potter has him on the verge of suicide, before an apprentice angel named Clarence makes him realise how important his life has been to all the town, not least his family. The movie ends with all the townspeople contributing what they can to provide more than sufficient funds to resolve the crisis, and we all feel warm and fuzzy.
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“My friends, my friends, I have a speech here. It’s a speech about what this state needs. There’s no need in my telling you what this state needs. You are the state and you know what you need. You over there, look at your pants. Have they got holes in the knees? Listen to your stomach. Did you ever hear it rumble for hunger? And you, what about your crops? Did they ever rot in the field because the road was so bad you couldn’t get ’em to market? And you, what about your kids? Are they growin’ up ignorant as dirt, ignorant as you ’cause there’s no school for ’em? … Now listen to me, you hicks! Listen to me, and lift up your eyes and look at God’s blessed and unfly-blown truth. And this is the truth! You’re a hick, and nobody ever helped a hick but a hick himself! Alright, listen to me! Listen to me! I’m the hick they were gonna use to split the hick vote. Well, I’m standin’ right here now on my hind legs. Even a dog can learn to do that. Are you standin’ on your hind legs? Have you learned to do that much yet? Here it is! Here it is, ya hicks! Nail up anybody who stands in your way! Nail up Joe Harrison! Nail up McMurphy! And if they don’t deliver, give me the hammer and I’ll do it myself!”
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Friday’s Quizzler is….​
After visiting my Great Aunt Annie, I travelled home in her old jalopy. The car was old and battered, it had a leak from the petrol tank, and I was stuck in second gear.

This meant that I could only travel along at a steady 30 miles per hour and managed a paltry 20 miles per gallon of fuel.
At the start of the journey I had placed exactly 10 gallons of fuel into the tank. I knew though, that the fuel tank lost fuel at the rate of half a gallon per hour.
Just as I arrived home, the car stopped because it had run out of fuel and I had only just made it.
How far was it from my Great Aunt’s to my home?
Answer:  150 miles.

I was travelling at 30mph at a rate of 20mpg, so I was using 1.5 gallons every hour for the driving itself. I was also losing 0.5 gallon every hour, so in total, I was using 2 gallons every hour. Therefore to use all of the 10 gallons I started with, I travelled for 5 hours.

5 hours at 30mph is 150 miles. 

Monday’s Quizzler is…….
When you behead a word, you remove the first letter and still have a valid word. You will be given clues for the two words, longer word first.
Example: Begin -> Sour, acidic
Answer: The words are Start and Tart.

1. Pleasant -> Frozen water
2. More recent -> Pitcher for water
3. Noble gas -> Indefinitely long period of time
4. Almost -> Ahead of time; at the beginning of a period of time
5. Not at any time -> At any time
6. None of two choices -> One of two choices
7. Limited width or scope -> Projectile shot from a bow
8. One, for example -> Brown, earthy colour

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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