Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Friday January 3, 2019
 
Confucius Says:
He who eats crackers in bed get crummy sleep.
Eunuch not strange creature, just man cut out to be bachelor.
Man who dream of eating giant mushroom—wake up with no pillow.
Man who eats photo of father, soon spitting-image of father.
He who put face in fruit drink get punch in the nose.
Butcher who backs into meat grinder get a little behind in his orders.
Chemist who fall in acid, absorbed in work.
Man become old when he watch food instead of waitress.
Man who sneezes without hanky takes matters into his own hands.
Man who walk middle of road get run over by bus.
Man who eat jellybean relieve self in technicolor.
Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants!
Man who sit on tack get point!
Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.
House without bathroom, uncanny.
Man who throw dirt, losing ground.
Two wrongs not make right, but two rights make U-turn
Do not drink and park, accidents cause people.
Man who crosses ocean twice without washing, is a dirty double crosser.
Man who speak with forked tongue, should not kiss balloons.
He who have last laugh, not get joke.
Man who throw away watch, wasting time.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like bananas.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!  
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Quotes of the Day 
The man who says he is willing to meet you
halfway is usually a poor judge of distance.”

– Laurence J. Peter
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“There are only two kinds of scholars; those
who love ideas and those who hate them.”
– Emile Chartier
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“I wish people who have trouble
communicating would just shut up.”
– Tom Lehrer
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“Dogs in Britain are being trained to sniff out
diabetes when their owners’ blood sugar drops. They’re great at it,

but only when diabetes is in your crotch.” -Jimmy Fallon

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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
Jimmy: ‘Hey, Mike! How’s your new pet fish doing? You told me he was really something special.’  Mike: ‘To tell the truth, I’m really disappointed in him. The guy who sold him to me said I could teach him to sing like a bird.’ Jimmy: ‘What? Let me get this straight… You bought a fish because you thought you could teach him to sing like a bird?’ Mike: ‘Well, yeah. After all, you know, he’s a parrot fish.’ Jimmy: ‘Now listen, Mike, while you might be able to teach a parrot to sing, you’re never going to get anywhere with a parrot fish.’ Mike: ‘That’s what you think! It just so happens this fish CAN sing. The thing is, he’s terribly off-key and it’s driving me crazy. Do you know how hard it is to tuna fish?’  

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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ” 
“Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears. I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him. The evil that men do lives after them. The good is oft interred with their bones. So let it be with Caesar.”
Answer:   In the 1953 film ‘Julius Caesar’, based on Shakespeare’s play of the same name, Marlon Brando delivered a speech designed to inflame the people of Rome to demand justice for their slain leader. Mark Antony, one of Julius Caesar’s friends and supporters, had accompanied him as he went to the senate on that fateful Ides of March. After the assassination, he cradled his friend’s body in his arms, according to Shakespeare. Brutus (played by James Mason) and Cassius (played by John Gielgud) were among those who assassinated Caesar, fearing that he was becoming too powerful, and might abuse that power to the detriment of the state. At least, that was the story used to convince Brutus, Caesar’s friend, to join them. Following the assassination on the floor of the Senate, Brutus makes an impassioned speech to convince the people of Rome that it was for their benefit.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
” I could shoot all the blue jays I wanted, if I could hit ’em, but to remember it was a sin to kill a mockingbird…Well, I reckon because mockingbirds don’t do anything but make music for us to enjoy. They don’t eat people’s gardens, don’t nest in the corncribs, they don’t do one thing but just sing their hearts out for us.”
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Thursday’s Quizzler is….​
Each group of three definitions describes three words that are spelled the same, except for one letter
(each group describes a different set of words). Example: king, ring, wing.

1a) a bone in the leg
1b) arboreal mammal, common to Madagascar
1c) to take exception or object
2a) a mixture of liquids, as for medicine
2b) a liquid preparation for cosmetic use
2c) an opinion or view
3a) something having a spiral or twisted form
3b) to hold back or restrain
3c) the thick part of coagulated milk
4a) to beat or damage with repeated blows
4b) to trade by exchange of goods
4c) good-natured witty joking
Answer:  1) femur, lemur, demur

2) potion, lotion, notion
3) curl, curb, curd

4) batter, barter, banter 

 
Friday’s Quizzler is…….
Here are some well-known expressions rewritten into “Cliff-ese”. For those of you who don’t know what that means,
 he was a very wordy person on the TV show “Cheers” and never used a small word where a larger one would work.
Try to figure out the phrases in simpler terms.

1. Projecting short, loud, canine-like noises erroneously toward the top of an incorrect arboreal plant.
2. To subject a slender illumination device to rapid carbonization on its antipodal points.
3. To slay a brace of avian creatures with just a single petrous conglomeration.

4. Like sending dense shelly concretions through the air to fall in front of stout-bodied, artiodactyl creatures.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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