Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Monday January 6, 2019
 
As e-mail (and blogs and texts and Tweets) continue to erode the
written language, perhaps it is time for an English language lesson.
So, with tongue firmly in cheek, here are some rules to keep in
mind when using the Queen’s Engerlish:
1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat).
6. Always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also, too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments. No comma splices, run-ons are bad too.
11. Contractions aren’t helpful and shouldn’t be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.
14. One should never generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Don’t use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
23. Kill all exclamation points!!!!
24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
25. Understatement is probably not the best way to propose earth shattering ideas.
26. Use the apostrophe in it’s proper place and omit it when its not needed.
27. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
28. If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times:
resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
31. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
32. Who needs rhetorical questions?
33. Exaggeration is a million times worse than understatement.

34. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do,
don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
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Quotes of the Day 
“My New Year’s resolution this year was to get a gym membership,
use it twice, and then never use it again.
I’m already halfway there.” -Jimmy Kimmel

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“A seventh grade teacher in California was arrested for teaching while drunk.
Which is why an entire Earth Science class now thinks hurricanes are formed
when rum collides with lime juice, passion fruit, and crushed ice in a hot pink
souvenir cup from Senor Frog’s.” -Jimmy Fallon
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“New research came out that reveals that being attractive in high school

leads to success later in life. So finally some good news for hot,
popular teenagers.” -Conan O’Brien
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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
Rushing to get to the movies, my husband and I told the kids we had to leave “right now” 
at which point our teenage daughter headed for the bathroom to apply makeup. Her dad
 yelled for her to get in the car immediately, and headed for the garage grumbling.

On the way to the multiplex my husband glanced in the rear view mirror and caught our
teen applying lipstick and blush, which produced the predictable lecture. “Look at your mom,” he said. “She didn’t put on any makeup just to go sit in a dark movie theater.”
From the back I heard, “Yeah, but Mom doesn’t need makeup.”
My heart swelling with the compliment, I turned back to thank this sweet, wonderful
daughter of mine just as she continued, “Nobody looks at her.”😳
 
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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ” 
” I could shoot all the blue jays I wanted, if I could hit ’em, but to remember it was a sin to kill a mockingbird…Well, I reckon because mockingbirds don’t do anything but make music for us to enjoy. They don’t eat people’s gardens, don’t nest in the corncribs, they don’t do one thing but just sing their hearts out for us.”
Answer:  To Kill a Mockingbird!

Based on the novel by Harper Lee, ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’ depicted life in a small southern town in the USA, focusing on events in the lives of Scout and Jem Finch, including their father’s involvement as defense lawyer in a case in which a black man was accused of raping a white woman, with all the turbulence such a trial inevitably brought to the town.
The role of Atticus Finch was a tour-de-force for Gregory Peck, who won his first Best Actor Oscar for his fifth nomination. His oratory is best remembered for the closing of Tom Robinson’s trial, where he (fruitlessly) asked the jury to ignore their prejudices and bring in a verdict based on the evidence that had clearly shown his client was innocent. Here is the closing portion of that inspirational speech:

“And so, a quiet, humble, respectable Negro, who has had the unmitigated temerity to feel sorry for a white woman, has had to put his word against two white peoples. The defendant is not guilty. But somebody in this courtroom is. Now gentlemen, in this country, our courts are the great levelers. In our courts, all men are created equal. I’m no idealist to believe firmly in the integrity of our courts and of our jury system. That’s no ideal to me. That is a living, working reality. Now I am confident that you gentlemen will review – without passion – the evidence that you have heard, come to a decision, and restore this man to his family. In the name of God, do your duty. In the name of God, believe Tom Robinson.”

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Now I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country. Men, all this stuff you’ve heard about America not wanting to fight – wanting to stay out of the war, is a lot of horse dung. Americans traditionally love to fight. All real Americans love the sting of battle. When you were kids, you all admired the champion marble shooter, the fastest runner, big league ball players, the toughest boxers. Americans love a winner and will not tolerate a loser. Americans play to win all the time. I wouldn’t give a hoot in hell for a man who lost and laughed. That’s why Americans have never lost and will never lose a war, because the very thought of losing is hateful to Americans. Now, an army is a team – it lives, eats, sleeps, fights as a team.”
 
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Friday’s Quizzler is….​
Here are some well-known expressions rewritten into “Cliff-ese”. For those of you who don’t know what that means,
 he was a very wordy person on the TV show “Cheers” and never used a small word where a larger one would work.
Try to figure out the phrases in simpler terms.

1. Projecting short, loud, canine-like noises erroneously toward the top of an incorrect arboreal plant.
2. To subject a slender illumination device to rapid carbonization on its antipodal points.
3. To slay a brace of avian creatures with just a single petrous conglomeration.

4. Like sending dense shelly concretions through the air to fall in front of stout-bodied, artiodactyl creatures.

Answer:  1. Barking up the wrong tree.

2. Burn the candles at both ends.
3. Kill two birds with one stone.

4. Casting pearls before swine. 

Monday’s Quizzler is…….
In Tyria, 5 dragon eggs are about to hatch, and people from all over the land have gathered for the big event. After hatching, each dragon sought out a human companion from the crowd, with whom they would form a lifelong bond. No 2 dragons are the same color, and each human chosen lives in a different village. From the clues below, can you determine the name, color and hatching order of each dragon, as well as the name and village of their chosen companions?

1) The dragon that will reside in Cranston hatched before Krale and after the one that bonded with Ahren.
2) Evan (who is not from Greystone) was not chosen by Zuria, nor was he chosen by the green dragon.
3) Azazeal (who did not hatch 4th) hatched before the red dragon, but after the bronze (who did not choose Raven).
4) No dragon chose a human whose name begins with the same letter as their own. On the same note, no dragon’s name begins with the same letter as their color.
5) The dragons hatched in the following order: Bael, the one whose companion is from Cairn, the blue dragon, the purple dragon, and the one who chose Jaron.
6) Jaabel did not choose Brandon (who isn’t from Summerhaven), or Raven (who isn’t from Shadowbrook).
7) Raven of Summerhaven was honored to have been chosen by Azazeal.

8) Jaabel hatched before the dragon that bonded with Brandon and after the one that will go to Shadowbrook with Ahren.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:
CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. http://www.amazon.com

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