Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

no-regertslrt-97797-73717(1)
WELCOME to Monday January 13, 2019
 
Pondering out loud again……… 
Life is just a phase you’re going through…you’ll get over it.
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.
There is always one more idiot than you counted on.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I’m in the bathroom.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
I don’t repeat gossip, so listen carefully.
Lord, if I can’t be skinny, let all my friends be fat.
My idea of cleaning the house is sweeping the floor with a glance.
Discover Wildlife! Have Kids!
“Genuine Antique Person,” Been there, done that, can’t remember!
Our policy is to always blame the computer.
Take my advice, I’m not using it!
I love to give homemade gifts… umm, which one of the kids would you like?
By the time you find greener pastures, you can’t climb the fence!

I quit jogging for health reasons. My thighs rubbed together so much it caught my underwear on fire!

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do,
don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
 ___________________________________________________________________________
Quotes of the Day 
“The man who says he is willing to meet
you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance.”

– Laurence J. Peter
 ___________________________________________________________________________
“There are only two kinds of scholars; those
who love ideas and those who hate them.”
– Emile Chartier
 ___________________________________________________________________________
“I wish people who have trouble
communicating would just shut up.”
– Tom Lehrer

___________________________________________________________________________

“Of all noises, I think music is the
least disagreeable.” – Samuel Johnson

 ___________________________________________________________________________
“I think that God in creating Man
somewhat overestimated his ability.” – Oscar Wilde
 ___________________________________________________________________________

“‘Whom are you?’ he asked, for he

had attended business college.” – George Ade
 ___________________________________________________________________________
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
One night our dog suddenly began barking almost every night at around 3 a.m. Irritated and sleepy, my husband, Larry, searched the back yard for what might have disturbed this otherwise peaceful animal. For three days he found nothing amiss. When the dog woke up the neighborhood a fourth night at 3 a.m. with frantic barking Larry finally snuck around the house through the alley only to discover our quiet neighbor, the last man you’d suspect of wrongdoing, throwing pebbles over the fence at the dog. My husband demanded to know what he was doing. “My mother-in-law is visiting,” the embarrassed neighbor explained. “If she gets woken up in the middle of the night one more time she says she’s leaving.”   😁😎
 ___________________________________________________________________________
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ” 
“Cy!”
Answer:   “Con Air”
“Onara!”  Oooh, it’s so bad it’s good…almost! The line is a play on the word “sayonara” meaning “goodbye” in case you hadn’t got it.

“Con Air” tells the tale of prisoners on a transport plane. Cameron Poe (Nicholas Cage), a former Ranger, is being released after serving time for killing a man. He’s on the same plane as lots of high-security prisoners being transferred to various other prisons. Cyrus “The Virus” (John Malkovich), however, has hatched a plan to take over the plane. Will good-guy Poe be able to stop him? What do you think? John Cusack and Steve Buscemi also star in this highly entertaining and not-to-be-taken-seriously film.
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Do you know what happens to a Toad when it gets struck by lightning?”
 ___________________________________________________________________________
 
 
 
Friday’s Quizzler is….​
What is the longest pair of English words that are pronounced exactly the same but share no letter in common?
Answer:  Ewe and You
 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is…….
Tom and his wife went to a local club to have dinner and see a show. They had been eating their meal and watching the show when Tom started losing voluntary control over most of his body. His legs, arms, back and chest became tense. His facial muscles squeezed upwards. His stomach muscles and diaphragm began to spasm. His heart began to race and his blood pressure rose quickly. Yet nobody did anything for him and no medical attention was given. Why not?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:
CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. http://www.amazon.com

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s