Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Tuesday January 14, 2019
 
 
Physics 101

Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi
2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton
1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscope
Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: 1 Knot-furlong
365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it’s less filling: 1 lite year
16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone: 1 Rod Serling
Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon
1000 aches: 1 megahurtz
Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower
2000 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds
10 cards: 1 decacards
1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton
1000 grams of wet socks: 1 literhosen
1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin
10 rations: 1 decoration
8 nickels: 2 paradigms

2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital: 1 I.V. League

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a Happy Tuesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!  
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Quotes of the Day 
“Amazon is testing a new service that allows couriers to unlock homes
and leave packages inside. Learn more about the new service on a
future episode of ‘Dateline.'” -Seth Meyers
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“A new study shows that monkeys can look at photos and recognize
other monkeys they know. However, the study also shows that monkeys
are terrible with names.” -Conan O’Brien
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“A man in London just took Uber’s one-billionth ride, and to celebrate,
Uber gave him a year’s worth of free rides. The man says he’s excited
to spend the entire year drunk.” -Jimmy Fallon
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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
 I’m a driving examiner for the state of Indiana, and while I was giving a road test 
to a young man, he went through a red light without stopping. I told him that he had
automatically failed the test. We met up with his mother back at the office, and I explained
what had happened. At first she was speechless. Then she asked incredulously, “He ran a red light?”

“Yes,” I replied.
“Well,” persisted the mom, “how red was the light?”😱😳
 
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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ” 
“Do you know what happens to a Toad when it gets struck by lightning?”
Answer:   X-Men!
Surely things react differently to being struck by lightning, depending on what they’re made of? Oh well, Toad is hit by the lightning Storm has conjured up and gets thrown into the river. This is definitely not the best send-off line in movie history! This is the first in the “X-Men” film trilogy (it’s still a trilogy in Jan 2007). Professor X (Patrick Stewart) runs a school for “gifted children” or mutants who have extraordinary powers. Several of his top students and teachers are member of the “X-Men” and battle against Magneto (Ian McKellen), who has created a machine that will turn all humans into mutants. Hugh Jackman (Wolverine) and Halle Berry (Storm) also star in this successful comic-book adaptation.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Wow, I’m back on the moon!” This is bad enough, but what comes next?
 
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Monday’s Quizzler is….​
Tom and his wife went to a local club to have dinner and see a show. They had been eating their meal and watching the show when Tom started losing voluntary control over most of his body. His legs, arms, back and chest became tense. His facial muscles squeezed upwards. His stomach muscles and diaphragm began to spasm. His heart began to race and his blood pressure rose quickly. Yet nobody did anything for him and no medical attention was given. Why not?
Answer:   He and his wife were at a comedy club and the symptoms are the 
description of what happens to someone who is laughing.
 
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
A sundial is a timepiece that has the fewest number of moving parts. Which timepiece has the most moving parts?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:
CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. http://www.amazon.com
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