WELCOME to Friday January 17, 2019
Real Doctor’s Reports…..
1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
2. On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely.
3. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 2003.
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
5. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.😱
6. Healthy appearing decrepit 99 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
7. The patient refused an autopsy.
8. The patient has no past history of suicides.
9. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
10. Patient’s past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life,
until she got a divorce.😁
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our Car for physical therapy.
20. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job
as a stockbroker instead.
21. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.
22. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
23. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
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Quotes of the Day
“According to a new survey that just came out, the issue most on the minds of college students is whether they’ll be able to find a job when they graduate. Experts say it’s silly for college students to worry about whether or not they’ll be able to find a job — because the answer is no.” -Conan O’Brien
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“To promote the use of clean energy, a Swiss adventurist is going to fly around the world in a solar-powered airplane. He’s just praying that nothing bad will happen…like night.” -Jimmy Fallon
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“A new study says that whether or not you’re shy depends on your jeans. I knew that years ago — if you wear jeans that show off your thong, you’re not shy.” -Craig Ferguson
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“When I’m driving here I see a sign that says, CAUTION: SMALL CHILDREN PLAYING. I slow down, and then it occurs to me, I’m not afraid of small children.” –Jonathan Katz
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“Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn’t go far didn’t see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.” –Tim Allen
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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
In one of K.C.’s classes, they were discussing the qualifications to be president of the United States. It was pretty simple – the candidate must be a natural born citizen of at least 35 years of age. However, one girl in the class immediately started in on how unfair was the requirement to be a natural born citizen. In short, her opinion was that this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming president. KC and the class were just taking it in and letting her rant, but everyone’s jaw hit the floor when she wrapped up
her argument by stating, “What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to
lead this country than one born by C-section?” 😱😳😁😎
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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ”
“I can’t carry [the ring] for you, but I can carry you!”
Answer: ‘The Return of the King’
This is from ‘The Return of the King’ when Frodo (Elijah Wood) is struggling to climb Mount Doom to destroy the ring and Sauron, after his epic journey. His life-long devoted friend (and gardener!) Samwise (Sean Astin) heaves him up the mountain to the Cracks of Doom where after a change of heart for the worse, Frodo fights Gollum for the ring. It is eventually Gollum’s lust for the ring that sends him falling with it to his death. This film won 11 Oscars, although it is widely accepted that the awards were for the entire “Lord of the Rings” trilogy as a whole. Quite faithfully adapted from J.R.R. Tolkien’s most famous work, the films tell of Frodo’s journey to the Cracks of Doom after inheriting the mysterious One Ring from his uncle. Accompanied by The Fellowship which includes men, a dwarf, an elf and several other hobbits, they face almost continuous perils as they try to protect Frodo and stop the ring falling into the wrong hands.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Talk to the hand.”
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Thursday’s Quizzler is….
A J really enjoyed stitching pictures and designs with her needle and thread. Not only did she love making things, she had lots of fun giving them away. Recently, she just completed five projects. Can you figure out who got each project, what the design was, what the main color was, and how big it was?
Recipients: Daughter, Granny, Husband, Mom, Niece
Designs: Butterfly, Clouds, Cross, Flower, Leaves
Main colors: Blue, Brown, Green, Red, White
Sizes: Extra Small, Small, Medium, Large, Extra Large
1) The five projects were the one for her mom, the one with clouds, the brown one, the medium one, and the extra large one.
2) A J decided to give her daughter, Rachel, the smallest one since it would go in her locker at school.
3) A J used (subtractive) primary colors for the butterfly and the flower.
4) A J’s mom got a project that has something to do with plants.
5) Rachel’s cousin got the medium sized project with a butterfly.
6) A J had a lot of red, so she made that the main color of the large project.
7) The project for A J’s granny was bigger than the white one and bigger than the one with a cross.
8) A J did not use brown on her husband’s design.
Answer: The daughter got a cross that was brown and extra small.
The granny got leaves that were green and extra large.
The husband got clouds that were white and small.
The mom got a flower that was red and large.
The niece got a butterfly that was blue and medium.
Friday’s Quizzler is…….
A Tom Swifty is a play on words. Tom speaks, and the way he is said to speak is a pun. Both meanings of the pun could be true.
e.g. “Really! You don’t know how to start a model-T Ford?” asked Tom crankily.
– Crankily describes his tone of voice and suggests how it might be done (with a crank handle!)
Choose one of the listed words below to fill each gap.
** CLUES **
1. I’ve been sacked from office,” said Tom _____.
2. “Another week begins,” sighed Tom _____.
3. “I really need to use a different font,” said Tom _____.
4. “Who was it that discovered radium?” asked Tom _____.
5. “I’ve been feeding the crocodile,” explained Tom _____.
** WORD LIST **
audaciously, abstractly, boldly, curiously, deeply, disappointedly, happily, mundanely, offhandedly, seriously
Remember that Tom Swifties don’t have to make perfect grammatical sense!
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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