WELCOME to Wednesday January 22, 2019
Ever wonder in your relationship, how ‘the fight’ started?
One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift… The next year, he didn’t buy her a gift. When she asked him why, he replied, “Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!” And that’s how the fight started…
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, ‘do you want to have relations?’ ‘No,’ she answered. I then said, ‘Is that your final answer?’ She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying ‘yes.’ So I said, ‘then I’d like to phone a friend.’ And that’s how the fight started…
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. ‘I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please..’ He said, ‘Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?’ ‘Nah, she can order for herself.’ And that’s how the fight started…
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the channels. She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’ I said, ‘Dust.’ And that’s how the fight started…
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.’ I bought her a bathroom scale. And that’s how the fight started…
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her, ‘Do you know him?’ ‘Yes,’ She sighed, ‘He’s my old boyfriend… I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn’t been sober since.’ ‘My God!’ I said, ‘Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’ And that’s the fight started…
I rear-ended a car this morning…. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it… He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, ‘I AM NOT HAPPY!’
So, I looked down at him and said, ‘Well, then which one are you?’ And that’s how the fight started….
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, ‘When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.’ And that’s how the fight started! The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
Quotes of the Day
“Here’s a rule I recommend: Never practice
two vices at once.” – Tallulah Bankhead
“Envy is the ulcer of the soul.” – Socrates
“Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to
remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is
the second-best policy.” – George Carlin
After examining the paltry tips left by a church group, our waitress
was not pleased. Looking toward my table, she grumbled, “Those
people come in with the Ten Commandments and a ten-dollar bill,
and they don’t break any of them!”
I answer a lot of questions at the information desk at Olympic National
Park, in Washington State. But one visitor stumped me: “Do you have
any trails that just go downhill?”
Even though it was warm outside, the heat was on full blast in my office
at the hospital. So I asked our nursing unit secretary to get someone to fix it.
This was a one-man job, so I could not figure out why two guys showed up — until I
was handed the maintenance request form. It read “Head nurse is hot.”😳
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
There were two good ol’ boys from the South, who love to fish, and they wanted to do some ice fishing. They’d heard about it up in Canada, so they took off up there. The lake was frozen nicely. They stopped just before they got to the lake at a little bait shop and got all their tackle. One of them said, “We’re gonna need an ice pick.” So they got that, and they took off. In about two hours, one of them was back at the shop and said, “We’re gonna need another dozen ice picks.” Well, the fellow in the shop wanted to ask some questions,
but money is money, so he didn’t. He sold him the picks, and the old boy left. In about an hour, he was back. Said, “We’re gonna need all the ice picks you’ve got!” The bait man couldn’t stand it any longer. “By the way,” he asked, “how are you fellows doing?” “Not very well at all,” he said. “We ain’t even got the boat in the water yet.” 😱😳😁
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ”
“The Matrix is everywhere. It is all around us, even now in this very room… It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.”
Answer: The Matrix
In this 1999 science fiction movie, written and directed by the Wachowskis, Neo is forced to question the nature of reality. It stars Keanu Reeves, Laurence Fishburne and Carrie-Ann Moss and gives us a look at some amazing and bizarre special effects and causes us to wonder about what is ‘really’ real. Morpheus says this to Neo to enlist his aid from a dystopian world where we witness a barren wasteland with most of the humans captured by a race of machines that imprison people’s minds in an artificial world called “The Matrix”. ‘Reality’ is being distorted into something more positive than it actually is in order to minimize the chances of rebellion.
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Hey, why am I Mr. Pink?”
Tuesday’s Quizzler is….
What word when you remove the first letter and put it at the end, do you get the past tense of the word?
Answer: Eat. When you put the first letter of eat at the end, it forms ate (the past tense of the word).
Wednesday’s Quizzler is…….
What is 3/7 chicken, 2/3 cat and 1/2 goat?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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